Cirque du Soleil's Monopoly on Family-Friendly Live Entertainment Begins 

If you have a family and want to take them to see some LIVE, fun, REAL entertainment that isn’t a matinee of Despicable Me 3 for the tenth time, it looks like you’ll be giving your hard-earned money to Cirque du Soleil’s burgeoning monopoly because they just bought the Blue Man Group.

The New York Times reports that the acquisition is intended to extend the reach of the blue men and the decision to acquire the company was mutual. Part of the reason that the Blue Man Group and Cirque du Soleil have merged forces to become a giant, multi-tentacled entertainment machine is because they have their eyes set on the lucrative Chinese market. Both Cirque du Soleil and the Blue Man Group are “non-verbal” performances, meaning that a non-English speaking audience will be able to watch and enjoy contortionists and grown men covered in blue paint playing songs on bits of garbage with ease.

What does this mean for your other family-friendly, live entertainment spectacles, now that two hilariously corny performance entities have merged? Honestly, I have no idea! If Stomp! is still something that people pay money to see, something tells me they’ll keep that up. Fuerza Bruta features naked-ish people and a lot of water, so I don’t think they’re threatened by this monopoly. Still, it seems weird that Blue Man Group is being bought by Cirque du Soleil and that the two acts aren’t being merged together in an unholy yet thrilling combination of contortionism, tightrope walking and whatever the hell this is.

“The Blue Man Group will keep its autonomy,” Daniel Lamarre, Cirque du Soleil’s chief executive told the Times. “We’re not going to mix the Cirque du Soleil brand with the brand of Blue Man Group.”

Respectfully, Daniel, I urge you to reconsider. Imagine the above but with the musical stylings of three grown men in blue face paint banging on garbage cans full of glitter. Imagine the possibilities.