Dear Rihanna, This Singing French Bulldog Is Coming For Your Job

By Mark Shrayber | November 23, 2015 | 4:30am

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This is Junior. Junior is a French bulldog. Junior likes to ride in cars and sing ‘Diamonds’ with some dude who’s obviously in his 30s but still knows how to live life despite death’s slow approach. Junior is just as good at singing as Rihanna is. Please press play if you don’t believe me.

I would like to submit this post as a formal petition for Rihanna to either bring Junior along on her next tour, do a duet with him live and in person (the crowds at a concert may scare him), or recognize that Junior is the bigger celebrity here, give up singing and really start that branded marijuana business we’ve been waiting for. I’m tired of smoking non-branded schwag and Snoop’s Dogg’s “Leafs by Snoop” are only available in Colorado. Thank you.