December Madness: Journey To The Worst Christmas Song Ever
LatestLast week, we asked for your help in our search for the shittiest ditty currently filling us with Christmas Sneer. Before we move on to the second round of voting, we’ve got a new bracket full of new Jingle Hells for you to vote on. Onward and downward!
Click above to enlarge, or go here for a printable version of the bracket.
Our trip down the rabbit hole began last week and will continue until the week before Christmas, where we’ll decide on which of the terrible Christmas songs deserves the title of Worst Ever. Last Friday, you determined that “The Christmas Shoes” is worse than the sound of your own untimely death, “Winter Wonderland” is worse than “Let it Snow,” “Do They Know It’s Christmas” is worse than “Happy XMas (War is Over)” and, shocker of shockers, that “Silent Night” is worse than “Carol of the Bells.” But there are seven new songs eagerly awaiting your opinion, so let’s move on to the end of the first round of voting— Round 1, Bracket 4.
“Wonderful Christmas Time” vs Bye
What is it about former members of The Beatles that makes them so adept at crafting truly fucking awful holiday songs? Even though John Lennon’s “Happy XMas (War is Over)” was knocked out in the first round, the sound of its preachy, self important strains still fills many otherwise merry holidaygoers with a desire to give everyone on their gift list a shiny new landmine. Paul McCartney’s abysmal “Wonderful Christmas Time” isn’t much better. It sounds like how it feels to be overcaffeinated and light headed in the middle of a Macy’s Black Friday sale after being awake for 24 hours. It’s manic, stupid, and overstimulating while simultaneously leaving the listener wondering if anything at all has meaning. If Ringo Starr ever made a Christmas song, we are all doomed.