Dove's New Diversity in Bottle Shapes Campaign Is Hilariously Stupid

Have you ever been in the shower, picked up your smooth, perfect soap container and screamed, “I CAN’T LIVE UP TO THESE STANDARDS!”? You’re not smooth and cylindrical, you don’t have an easy to open spout, and when someone grabs you when you’re all sudsy and wet, you slip out of their hands and fall on the floor! Why do beauty companies torment us with this unrealistic portrayal of what real women’s bottles look like?

Live in shame no longer. For a limited time, you can get one of a “range of Dove Body Washes, designed to show how beauty is diverse and diversity is beautiful,” says Dove. According to Adweek, the bottles were made in conjunction with Ogilvy London, whose creative director Andre Laurentino told them, “The Real Beauty Bottles is one of those rare ideas which condenses decades of a brand’s legacy in two seconds.” That is too, too true.

A statement from the company reminds us that women are containers with gorgeous variety:

From curvaceous to slender, tall to petite, and whatever your skin colour, shoe size or hair type, beauty comes in a million different shapes and sizes. Our six exclusive bottle designs represent this diversity: just like women, we wanted to show that our iconic bottle can come in all shapes and sizes, too.

Finally, a bottle that looks like me. I can squeeze soap (blood?) onto myself without feeling judged or not good enough. But, sadly, that’s only in private. What doorway would you walk through it one was labeled “Beautiful Bottle” and the other was labeled “Average Bottle?” Until every woman sees herself as a beautiful bottle, Dove’s lessons on #RealBeauty aren’t over.