This week featured a bit of an upset, as to-date champions Team Nobody were crushed by a full seven days of Kim-related events—baby showers, birthdays, red carpet jams—that elevated Team Bible to master status. And, as we ramp up to a new season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians—Season 11 begins November 15—we’re seeing a lot more promo, as our players can clearly see the end game and turn up the heat.
Vogue spread: +25
New Hair: +5
App mention: +1
Corey Gamble
Blog mentions: +5
Red carpet appearance: Brian Atwood’s Celebration of PUMPED +5
North West
Blog mentions: +10
Brandon Jenner
Total Yardage: 72
Performance Summary: From the start of the season, I had Kendall lined up as my most flexible player, one who’d get down and dirty when I needed her to. This week, she proved I’d pegged her right; she scored big with a fashion spread in Vogue while also making headlines for a variety of simple yet effective plays. Was the Vogue shoot particularly creatively executed? Not exactly, but whatever gets the job done. Kendall also got a new hairdo and tweeted about her app once! Way to go Kendall—it looks like you’ve got Team MVP for the season in the bag already. Corey Gamble, on the other hand, was a little too slow, barely comforting Kris Jenner at all, though he did notably appear at some sort of red carpet event. This is the time for grabbing the ball and really making a splash Cor! After our talking-to, North really stepped up, showing off her precious self at her mom’s movie-themed baby shower, but I still worry about the competition she’s going to face when her rookie sibling comes into the world in just a few short months. And at this point, I feel for Brandon; while he’s still not a flashy player, he’s playing some defense out there, and if the media can’t acknowledge how secretly valuable he is to this team, maybe that’s not entirely his fault. —Kate Dries
TEAM THE GROSS FAN
Khloe Kardashian
Blog mentions: +17
Tabloid cover: +30
App mention on Twitter or Instagram: +1
Kris Jenner
Blog mentions: +10
Tabloid cover: +10
Penelope Disick
Blog mentions: +1
Casey Jenner
Total yardage: 69
Performance summary: Khloe’s back on the field and having a banner week. It looks like all the good news added some much-needed pep into her step, because she picked up plenty of yardage. And not only are things going great with Lamar, she’s begun promoting her app on Instagram again. Yes ma’am, it’s starting to look like life at her home arena is finally returning to normal, and I think that’s because her head is back in the game… of love. Meanwhile, Kris continues to disappoint, racking up less than 50% of her daughter’s points. Her most surprising move was a night out with the Smith family, but I felt like throwing a flag at that entire evening. And my B team fell short as usual. Penelope made a brief appearance on the field in her Halloween costume, and Casey’s done nothing but sip Gatorade on the bench. Things are looking up, but Team the Gross Fan isn’t out of the woods just yet. —Bobby Finger
TEAM NOBODY
Kylie Jenner
Blog mentions: +35
App mentions: +11
Product shill: -5
New hair: +5
Rob Kardashian
Blog mentions: +7
Bambi and Norman Jenner
Blog mentions: +3
RT’ed Twitter appearance: +2
Threatened by new dog: -2
New dog ultimately added to the team: +5
Reign Disick
Blog mentions: +2
Total yardage: 63
Performance summary: HUGE NEWS FOR TEAM NOBODY: Against all odds, as well as against the rules of fantasy football, and I believe, regular football as well—we’ve picked up a player!!!!!!!! Apparently there is a “term” for this,” but just as it took until this week for me to figure out whether Reign Disick was a preteen or a toddler, I will learn these “terms” when I’m good and ready!
All of this to say is: Kylie Jenner got a new dog!!! Who supposedly cost “50k,” or why would she have captioned her Snapchat that? The dog is fucking adorable and is going to be SUCH a strong addition to the team because Kylie is going to instagram it (“Rolly,” I believe, a chubby little bulldog type) all the goddamn time. She (along with the Daily Mail’s continual fellation of her every carefully-outfitted move) continues to be a real “Tom Marinovich before he got into heroin” (did I do that right) for the team—just absolutely born and bred for this life of tireless, physically punishing celebrity. As far as the others go: Rob is heating up slowly, offering to donate his kidneys or something, and Reign allowed someone to dress him up for Halloween. —Jia Tolentino
TEAM I THOUGHT YOU HATE HOT PINK
Kourtney Kardashian
Blog mentions: +33
Red Carpet appearance: +5
Scott Disick
Blog mentions: +6
Mason Disick
Blog mentions: +3
MJ Shannon
Total Yardage: 47
Performance Summary: With Scott sidelined on that little bench known as REHAB, Kourtney had to carry the team this week, and was she ever carrying: homegirl attended two baby showers (both for Kim, obviously), pranced about and picked up some fumbles in the form of lingerie shopping (woo woo)—TWICE. She’s been thriving on the field since he’s been out, which casts a depressing realization on a coach: my players have no chemistry. Disick’s down for the count, MJ is 90, Mason is like, a baby. There’s no balance on this team and we’re suffering for it. We’ve simply got to work harder, or somebody—probably grandma—has got to go. —Julianne Escobedo Shepherd
COMPREHENSIVE SCORES TO DATE:
Team Bible: 322
Team Bush & the Tush: 292
Team Nobody: 287
Team the Gross Fan: 270
Team I Thought You Hate Hot Pink: 205
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Images via Getty
