Florida Lieutenant Governor Says She Couldn't Possibly Be a Lesbian Because She Doesn't Look Like One

Here’s a fun, Everybody Is The Terrible One Here story from Florida, the humid home of Epcot murders, nutria barbecues, and bronzed retirees who permanently smell like the insides of tanning beds. The state’s Republican Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll accused an ex-aide of illegally leaking information to the media, and in response, the ex-employee is now claiming that she was fired after she caught her boss in “a compromising position” with another female aide. The African American Republican leader has fired back, claiming in a so-bad-you-almost-need-to-cover-your-eyes statement that there’s no way that she could possibly be a lesbian, because she doesn’t look like one. So, a woman who does not look like a conservative politician is now defending herself against really sketchy sounding charges by saying that she doesn’t look like a lesbian. Oy.

The whole thing sounds terribly sordid, even for Florida (enjoying your vacation from being The Get A Loada These Idiots! state, Arizona?), but here’s a Cliff’s Notes version. Former Carroll staffer Carletha Cole was fired from the Lieutenant Governor’s office last fall. Carroll says the firing was the result of illegal sharing of information with the press, but in a complaint filed in court last week, Cole says she was fired after walking in on Carroll having hot lesbian something with her travel aide, Beatriz Ramos. Carroll remained mum about the charges for a few days, but then on Friday started talking to the press. And saying just about the wrongest thing she could have said.