Furiously Masturbating Man Attempts Daring Escape Mid-Flight
LatestA Virgin Airlines flight was diverted earlier this week when a passenger, intent on joining the mile-high club, began masturbating furiously while in the air. When apprehended, he attempted — and failed — to make the most daring plane escape in history. Police are calling it a medical emergency.
Very few details have been released about Doug Adams, a Woodside, California man who another passenger says was wearing a hospital bracelet while flying from Boston to Los Angeles on Monday. Adams, who was taken to the hospital for observation once the plane landed, had been caught masturbating, had engaged in a verbal altercation with another passenger and then, in a state of pique, tried to open the emergency door to just get the fuck away from all these fucking people in their awful sweatpants and their goddamn neck pillows and airline magazines with the crosswords already filled out. (Probably using the same hand he had been masturbating with.)