We all have the one friend who, by virtue of financial situation, lifestyle choice, or a mortal fear of moving companies and packing tape, lives with roommates—and freaking loves it! They love it so much they can’t stop talking to you about every item their roommate Marie has left in the sink! They love it so much they can’t stop screaming into a bag!
Living with other people that you’re not sleeping with is a delicate balancing act of diplomacy that requires an endless font of patience, a thick skin, and almost every single item on this gift guide. Why not honor your friend, and her living situation, by getting them some thoughtful gifts this holiday season to show just how much you care?
Earplugs for Wearing Around the House
“I truly love the dulcet tones of my roommate, Adam, rutting his latest Tinder conquest like a Mangalitsa hog in the spring,” your friend tells you as she upends a mid-priced Chardonnay directly into her mouth. “It makes me feel closer to him—knowing what he sounds like at the height of orgasm makes me feel good.”
A Nice Rug for Their Bedroom
Your friend who loves their roommates so much that they can’t breathe probably spends up to 75 percent of their time in their room, rearranging the furniture in an attempt to see if they can squeeze a couch and a TV stand against the far wall so that they never have to leave. This rug will make their tiny sliver of privacy feel more like home.
A Sturdy Lock
After enjoying a terse conversation about whose turn it is to buy toilet paper and how long the dishes have been sitting in the sink, your friend who is genuinely obsessed with their roommates will enjoy walking to their room, punching in a key code and hearing the soothing thunk of the lock behind them.
A Thing That Simulates Ocean Waves That Is Technically for Babies
Just some nice laser light show vibes for that friend of yours to Venmo-request rent, utilities and four months of the gas bill for the fifth time.
Marijuana
Dulls the senses, eases anxiety, and promotes an overall feeling of well-being that only enhances the pure and true love your friend feels for their roommate, especially when said roommate has an infuriating habit of leaving the crinkled wrappers of Ferrero Rocher candies strewn about the house like so many autumn leaves.
A Vape
For sharing that love—or not.
