Grammys 2022 Red Carpet: The Highest and Lowest Notes

The 2022 Grammy Awards, the last major show of this year’s awards season, is finally upon us. My expectations for clashing patterns and poor taste are about as high for this red carpet as they are for the clashing celebrity personalities onstage! As they say, the best revenge is to look way hotter than your nemesis at the Grammys (They say that, right?).

In the past, the Grammys have given us iconic moments like Dolly Parton’s sparkly pink jumpsuit, Michael Jackson’s military jacket, THE Jennifer Lopez Versace gown that literally prompted Google Photos to exist, Lady Gaga’s celestial Armani Privé moment, and so, so much more. This year, I really wanted a 2022 meat dress moment a la Lady Gaga at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. I wanted scandal, chaos, and controversy over some celebrity’s look and, for the love of god, not for any sort of unexpected mid-show guffaw.

We didn’t get a meat dress, but here are some looks I’m just as jazzed about:

Has someone seen my jaw? I think it fell on the ground.

Ursula, if she lived in the Victorian age and/or was a teenager in Bridgerton.

The boys are all grown up! So grown up I may have seen them on Wall Street in the ‘80s?

Billie’s apparently living in Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas for the entire 2022 awards season.

Hailey looks like a classic Hollywood ingénue, while her husband looks like a textbook douchebag.

Am truly scared of these two, but at least Kourt knows she had to let her man shine tonight.

Spring has sprung, and the prettiest flower in the garden is SZA!!!

THE ELEGANCE.

A ravishing disco queen.

This is ‘90s, Baby Spice glamour. So good.

A dominatrix dives into a treasure chest...

A timeless fucking ensemble has entered the chat.

This is exactly what I was imagining Lil Nas X would wear when he ascends to space to live amongst the stars, just like he deserves.

Ok, ostrich feathers!!!

Thumbs up for a deep V.

Thank god it’s not a suit. Enjoying these satin crocs a bit too much.

Ok, Chels. Weird to see you in glitter, but you look like a sleek bitch.

This is the woman who shows up at the funeral simply to turn heads. Am currently mourning the loss of my sanity because she looks too good.

The pearls, the braids, the edges, the yellow nail polish and liner? She is the world’s most stylish daffodil.

These getups have more drama than Lady Gaga in House of Gucci and A Star Is Born combined.

He’s got the right temperature to shelter me from the storm!!! Well done, punk rock Steve Jobs.

Bubblegum bell bottoms? Bubble pop electric!!!

No one told me they added a new category for least fucks given. I hear Dillon is a top contender for the prize.

Here’s Diplo looking like... Diplo (with frosted tips).

What did we tell you when we watched the Oscars last week? This is the year of the sternums and the high-and-tight cut!

A rare exception to my loathing of bows.

The dress is good, goose down though it may be, but the turquoise shadow is sending me.

I am overwhelmed by the various styles being stuffed into this look, but at least he tried??

His future is EXTREMELY bright just like this suit!!!

The Ukrainian singer is the first to show support on the carpet tonight.

She is a gem and so is her technicolor dream coat.

I think I wore this outfit to a sorority date dash.

It’s music’s hottest night and wearing black nail polish is you branching out? It’s a no, babe!!

Thank you for bringing a level of glam appropriate for the evening, Tiffany! To the red carpet reporters: this is a GOWN, not a COSTUME.

A Cleopatra cuff does not an exciting dress make. Omer, though? Here for the sultry clown.

Ten points for the size of the hoop skirt. Minus three for copying a cartoon character’s dress.

This is a delicate chef’s kiss. She looks like a princess; maybe the Grammys will treat her like one... (here’s looking at you, Academy Awards).

Issuing little screams for this one.

Putting my problems with her persona aside, she looks like a gorgeous napkin holder.

THE GLADIATOR HAS ARRIVED.

What Jessica Chastain was trying to do: a fucking SHOWGIRL. Approved.

Peter Pan, but make it designer.

Oh my god??? She can have whatever she wants. Give it to her now.

I said I wanted another meat dress not a Mario Party character.

I am concerned that a bear was harmed in the making of this petticoat.

The Mother of Dragons has arrived on the red carpet, and she looks smokin’ hot.

I can’t get the flying squirrel comparison out of my head, but she truly is a sunbeam and this jumpsuit is joyous.

So cool. No notes.

If your shoes match your bellbottoms, you’re winning in my book.

Apparently the theme this year is cowboy boots, snake print, and gloves? Lil Nas X is really out here influencing.

THIS is how you do simple and chic.

A funeral procession was held for her departure to Fox News.

The creative mind behind many of Olivia Rodrigo’s videos... low-key upstaged the pop star.

This is my official petition for more men to wear suits sans shirts.