Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have finally, finallyfinalized their divorce, a process matched in length and absurdity only by that endless runway in the acclaimed film Fast & Furious 6. Because nothing pleases me more than comparing Earth’s most meticulously manicured divorce to a Vin Diesel franchise about barbecues, here is that scene:
The two former married people reached a divorce settlement in May, and their judgment was entered into an L.A. courthouse on Thursday. From People:
According to the settlement, the couple have entered into a written agreement regarding their property and child support, and agreed that neither will ever ask for spousal support. They have chosen not to file the agreement with the court at this time, but can do so later if either party wishes the court to settle a disagreement.
The pair famously “uncoupled” in 2014 after 10 years of marriage, with Paltrow writing on Goop:
We have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate,” they said. “We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been.”
You know who else cares a lot about family?
Yes, I am suggesting that Gwyneth Paltrow is Vin Diesel. Tell me, have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?
Kris Jenner will not change her name to Kris Kardashian, citing respect for her daughters Kendall and Kylie (both of whom are Jenners, obviously). A scene deleted from Keeping Up with the Kardashians suggested that she might swap out last names, but no, it is lies, all lies.
“It happens to be two younger girls who have an amazing dad, and yeah, I think I’m just going stay right where I am,” explained Kris, 60, during a Friday interview with Australian radio show Kyle & Jackie O. “It sounded like a good idea for a minute, but then you have to just respect the relationship of the entire family.”
You can listen to her say it with her own mouth here:
