BF: The directions said I could find it at the “corner of ‘I Give Zero Fucks’ and ‘Fuck All Y’All Motherfuckers’ streets.”
Me: Yup, that’s where it is.
BF: The invite said to bring “LITERALLY ALL OF THE VODKA.”
Me: Yeah. Fair warning. I’m going to be extremely drunk for the next 24 hours.
BF: OK. So how is that different from any other day of your life?
Me: Because in addition to being drunk, I get lots of presents with fancy bows on them.
BF: Oh OK.
Me: YOU CANNOT STOP THE BIRTHDAY DRUNKENING. DO NOT EVEN TRY. NOTHING IS OFF THE TABLE TODAY.
BF: Oh Jesus.
Me: ALSO THE PANTS ARE COMING OFF. PANTS ARE FORBIDDEN ON BIRTHDAYS. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY PUBLIC INDECENCY LAWS LALALALAL I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU
BF: God help us all.
