Here Is Donald Trump, Who Says He Would Run Into a School to Save Kids, Jogging at an Extremely Modest Pace

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• As you may have heard, Donald Trump, who is afraid of stairs, germs, and being sent to war, says he would have run unarmed into Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School during the mass shooting that killed 17 people. “You don’t know until you test it, but I think, I really believe I would have run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon,” he said on Monday. This is a rather unconvincing statement for a number of personality-based reasons, and also for reasons having to do with his interest in physical exertion, as you can see in the video above. [New York Times]
• Here’s another idea the president shared today: in response to the Florida shooting, instead of regulating civilian access to military-grade weapons, Trump suggested that the U.S. bring back mental institutions. You know, the ones that Ronald Reagan stopped funding. “You know, in the old days we had mental institutions. We had a lot of them,” he said. [Politico]
• The Oath Keepers, an extremist militia group, are encouraging armed volunteers to park themselves outside schools, regardless of whether teachers and students want them there. [Talking Points Memo]
• A new poll found that 61 percent of voters support an AR-15 ban. [The Hill]
• China’s president has decided to stay president forever, which is, uh, not great? [NBC]
• Send help, Stacey Dash is running for Congress. [The Hill]

Here are some tweets the President was allowed to publish:

No tweets! What is this, Canada? (Sorry!!!!)

This has been Barf Bag.