How Do You Spell W-E-E-N-I-E?

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Kill me!

• Now please kill me again!

• But at least there’s this!

• Sure sounds like someone is angling for a position as a certain someone’s running mate.

• The U.S. government has held a record number of immigrant children—almost 70,000—in federal custody this past year. [Associated Press]
• Wait, this is actually how I got a job at Jezebel! [NBC News]
• The Supreme Court ruled that the lawsuit filed by the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting against Remington Arms, the maker of the gun that was used in the massacre, can move forward. [Politico]
• I guess it’s back to the Appalachian Trail for Mark Sandford! [Associated Press]
• Every time someone new enters the Democratic primary, a billionaire gets his wings, and by wings I mean a big fucking hard-on. [Washington Post]
• Bernie is about to get a big, very good endorsement. [New York Times]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.