The new J. Crew catalog uses Portugal as a gorgeous backdrop to push awkward-length shorts, hideous shoes and icky socks. Vacation like an ugly American!
Let’s go ahead and agree that Lisbon is DISTCINTLY SOULFUL, since J. Crew feels the need to shout this at us. But PIECES TO WEAR RIGHT NOW is a questionable statement. The forecast in NYC predicts 6-10 inches of snow tomorrow, and there’s not much in this catalog to help with that.
Still, I guess it’s okay to pretend you’re wandering and windswept on the Iberian peninsula. If that’s what you’re into.
But if you want to live the J. Crew lifestyle, be prepared to wear beige fishnet anklets with your $135 “Suede Macalister Boots.” Oh, sure, they look just like Wallabees or Clarks desert boots. They just cost almost fifty bucks more.
Note to self: Instead of buying new jewelry, just put on as many pieces of your old jewelry as you can, even if you think they clash. Iris Apfel is the new black.
The names of the pants at J. Crew are endlessly amusing, because the items they’re inspired by keep getting progressively smaller. First there were trousers. Then the “matchstick,” which gave way to the even thinner “toothpick.” Here it’s the “pixie,” and by summer, they’ll be selling the “single-celled protozoa.” Better work on tightening up your ribosomes!
Poor child is so confused. Are we going boating? Or on a picnic? Or dancing? Or to the opera? Gloves and a veiled cocktail hat would improve this look immensely. And by improve, I mean “make it apparent how ridiculous it is.”
Oh, Jenna’s Picks Eye Candy. I’ll take all the jewelry, the cone-heeled shoes (17), the fluttery clutches (18), and the peep toes (20). The Indiana Jones shoes (19), the Giles From Buffy satchel (23) and the Stoned Foreign Exchange Student boots (6) are on my shit list.
Another perfectly good outfit ruined by socks. How do you say “What is your damage” in Portuguese?
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