Jesus Electoral Christ, Jill Stein Actually Raised Over $2 Million To Fund a Vote Recount

By Anna Merlan | November 24, 2016 | 5:50am

Politics

This wild-ass year will never cease until it gives every one of us a heart attack, a seeping ulcer, and a probably false sense of hope: Jill Fucking Stein—presidential Green Party candidate and diverter of 1.2 million perfectly good votes—is on track to raise $2.5 million to request a recount of ballots in three swing states won by Donald Trump.

As New York was first to report, a group of computer science professors and elections lawyers have been quietly lobbying the Clinton campaign to request a ballot recount in Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Earlier today one of them, J. Alex Halderman, went public with his reasoning, explaining that while the polls in those states were likely just wrong, voting machines can be hacked, and with Russia’s, er, rather obvious influence in this election so far, the paper voting records in those states—each of which Trump won by just a hair—need to be reexamined to make absolutely sure.

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But a recount effort can only be triggered with an appeal from a candidate for a recount. Enter Jill goddamn Stein, whose campaign manager David Cobb announced a recount effort via a Facebook Live video, because of course he did:

This incredible longshot of a fundraiser has raised over $2.2 million of a $2.5 million goal by 12:33 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day. With that progress, she’ll hit the target within the hour; the fundraising page says that amount is meant to go towards the filing fees for each state. Wisconsin’s is $1.1 million, due by November 25. Pennsylvania and Michigan are both about half a million, due by November 28 and November 30, respectively. They estimate a total of $6-7 million will be needed to fund recount efforts in all three states between state filing and legal fees.

“We deserve elections we can trust,” Stein said in a press release:

Stein noted, “Assuring the validity of our vote is a critical first step towards democratizing our elections. Other essential steps include ending discriminatory voter ID laws and voter purges (like “Interstate Crosscheck”); opening the debates to all candidates on the ballot in enough states to win the election; establishing Ranked Choice Voting, a system that enables voters to rank their choices, knowing that if their first choice loses, their vote is automatically reassigned to their second choice; and getting big money out of politics – and letting the people back in.”

God dammit, Jill Stein. I don’t know if a recount will reveal anything different—I don’t know anything anymore, because this year has stolen my sense of certainty along with 85 percent of my will to live—but if you pull this off, it will go a long way towards helping us forgive your squishy thoughts about vaccine safety and even your band. Still mad about those 1.2 million votes, though, but rest assured that Gary Johnson is still worse.

Shine on, Jill Stein, you improbably inspiring as of this moment crazy diamond.

Update: Stein handily reached her $2.5 million goal, and is hurtling steadily toward her updated goal of $4.5 million. She’ll likely hit it by the time the turkey’s served, but we’ll keep you posted. God bless this weird goon.