Join Me in a Thought Exercise About Being Married to Mitch McConnell

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Mitch McConnell “shrugged off” questions about whether or not his marriage to Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao is maybe the reason his state received special treatment from the Transportation Department for grants and other projects. However, I ask that we set aside that question and instead take a moment to imagine that Mitch McConnell is our husband. Lean in close to the photo on your screen and imagine kissing it. I can’t! I can’t! [Politico]
• The Mueller investigation—take two! [New York Times]
• For once in our terrible lives, some good news: nurse practitioners, physician assistants, and certified nurse-midwives are now allowed to perform abortions in Maine. [WABI]
• Internet racists face a setback. [BuzzFeed News]
• Nancy Pelosi is “done” talking about the president. Seems like that’s not going to work, but okay. [Reuters]
• An emotional Jon Stewart testified before the House Judiciary Committee about reauthorizing the September 11th Victim Compensation Fund:

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.