Justin Trudeau Wants to Punch Matthew Perry In the Face, And I Want That, Too

By Lauren Evans  |  April 1, 2017 | 3:55pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag

When he was a 5th grader in Ottawa, Canada, Matthew Perry (with the help of a friend) beat up a young Justin Trudeau. Perry recounted the sad, embarrassing tale to Jimmy Kimmel on his show a couple weeks ago:

“I think he was the only kid in school that we could beat up,” he said, adding, “You know, I’m not bragging about this, this is terrible. I was a stupid kid, I didn’t want to beat him up. In fact, I think at one point I tried to turn it into love play.”

So Perry required a buddy to help beat up one kid who was younger than him? Got it. But on Sunday morning, Trudeau woke up and decided he was ready for a rematch.

DO ITTTTT! Do it for charity or something, I don’t know. I don’t care! I want to see the Canadian Prime Minister punch someone in the face! Question: If you could watch Justin Trudeau punch anyone in the face, who would it be? I’d say Steve Bannon, but I’d be worried his fist would sink into that diseased, fleshy bog and never come out. We need Trudeau with both his hands.

My backup is Ryan Gosling. Sorry, but it’s the truth. Now you go.

[People]

Russell Brand has no hard feelings toward his ex-wife, Katy Perry. When he sees her in magazines or on TV, does he shriek and throw the magazine/TV out the window? No, he does not. As he told John Bishop:

“I still feel very warm towards her. I feel like, when I hear about her or see her, ‘Aw, there’s that person. There’s that person in the world.’”

What a bizarre way of regarding someone to whom you were once married, like they’re a friendly neighborhood Cockapoo and not a person you once pledged to love eternally. “Oh look, it’s that person! I remember her! Same face!”

Also, Russell Brand may only be 6-foot-1, but he always looks impossibly awkward sitting in chairs. Why is that?

[People]