RFK Jr.’s Leadership Hits Literal Shitshow Levels of Bad

Great. Looks like the whale-beheading, raccoon penis-harvesting, pervy poet freak with worm bites for a brain strikes again.

I mean, at this point, it’s honestly impressive that Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—as the U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services—has managed to disservice health and human services as much as he has. But along with bringing measles back, needlessly reviewing an abortion medication that’s been deemed safe by years of FDA studies, and abruptly changing his stance on a carcinogenic weed killer because he wanted to suck up to Trump, the HHS Secretary can now add “diarrhea outbreak” to his compendium of public health failures. 

According to the CDC, at least 31 states have reported cases of cyclosporiasis as of Thursday, a parasite-borne illness that causes diarrhea, nausea, and fatigue. Michigan is suffering the worst outbreak, with at least 1,500 known cases. Cases began in May, and there have been no reported deaths, but patients have been explaining their experiences as nothing short of horrible. Eugh. Guess the “H” in MAHA stood for hot, heavy, and heaping.

"I voted for RFK JR and all I got was nuclear diarrhea" tshirt

— pumpernickel bear (@cwharlow.bsky.social) July 11, 2026 at 9:56 PM

All this comes about a full year after the CDC in 2025 stopped tracking the parasite Cyclospora—which causes the illness—amid sweeping cuts to the department’s services, researchers, and key programs all in the name of “government efficiency.” It is because of these cuts that we’ve also seen the revival of screwworm, BTW.

It’s not clear what exactly caused the surge in cases—and outbreaks can be difficult to investigate, though the FDA says previous outbreaks have been connected to raspberries, basil, cilantro, snow peas, and lettuce. The parasite, which spreads through feces, tends to affect women at higher rates compared to that of men; and while infections tend to rise in warmer months, the CDC on Friday reported multiple states are reporting a higher number of cases than usual. 

“Protecting the nation’s food supply is a core FDA responsibility, and the agency has the expertise, personnel, and resources necessary to detect, investigate, and respond to foodborne illness outbreaks and take regulatory action when warranted,” a CDC spokesperson told USA Today, when asked about the rise in cases. But again… this is the same department that in July 2025 gutted FoodNet, a decades-long collaborative CDC program that monitored pathogens like cyclosporiasis.

Many are reporting that one of the most efficient ways of preventing cyclosporiasis is to cook food at 158 degrees Fahrenheit, to thoroughly wash all produce, and wash your hands with soap and water after handling any vegetables and fruits. Perhaps the most effective way of preventing infection, though, is to create a time machine, go back two years, and undo whatever crazy chain of events led us to a timeline where a bear-dumping bozo runs American healthcare.