Kelly Loeffler and Her Luxurious Blowout Are Off the Hook for Insider Trading

By Joan Summers  |  May 28, 2020 | 10:00pm
NewsPolitics
Kelly Loeffler and Her Luxurious Blowout Are Off the Hook for Insider Trading
Image:Getty

The insider trading investigation into Georgia Senator Kelly Loeffler, haircare enthusiast and woman who definitely did not commit any crime whatsoever, has been dropped by the Justice Department. In a statement to NBC News, her spokesman called the inquiry “politically motivated,” which is definitely one way to describe the controversy.

In case you forgot, Loeffler sold millions in stock after a coronavirus briefing well before the pandemic was announced to the public. Questions were raised over whether she benefited from insider trading, having retained information not known to the public about a looming stock market disaster. The Justice Department has also dropped similar investigations into Senators James Inhofe (R-OK) and Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), but Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) is not so lucky, and the investigation into him will continue apace.

Anyway, the Justice Department’s announcement could not come at a more opportune time for Loeffler; her grasp on her senate seat is tenuous at best, and complicated further by the investigation. As the Wall Street Journal notes, recent polls show Loeffler is “trailing” behind fellow Republican Doug Collins. No matter the outcome in Georgia this November, though, this paves the way for her blowout to increase in size and shininess from here—she has to spend her money somehow. [Wall Street Journal]

People really love Kimberly Guilfoyle and her crunchy extensions. (Sorry, still thinking about Kelly Loeffler’s hair.) Bloomberg reports that the reigning queen of terrible conservative livestreams has further tightened her grip over Trump’s re-election campaign in the two years since she and Trump Jr. began dating. Her salary is $15,000 a month at the Trump Victory Finance Committee, where she operates “mostly independently” of Trump’s campaign manager Brad Parscale and shadow king Jared Kushner.

Guilfoyle’s influence also comes with a price tag: She’s helped rack up $64 million in campaign money for the sitting president. Bloomberg reports that since taking the helm at the TVFC, she has doubled its fundraising since mid-January. At a recent virtual Trump fundraiser, daddy’s best little boy Trump Jr. told attendees:

“There’s no doubt that Kimberly will extract money from me like she has all of you. It’s a thing of beauty. Or brutal, I can’t tell which one it is. It’s sort of like watching nature: It can be incredible and mystical and as vicious as it gets.”

Personally, I’d prefer not knowing the intimate details of these goblins’ sex life. But I had to read that, so now you do too! [Bloomberg]

Considering they’re at the launch of a fucking spaceship, you’d think Trump Jr.’s kids would look happier… but also, who can’t relate?

Here’s a bad tweet: