Abolish Male Directors

Jezebel is thrilled to announce that we will be abolishing male directors until further notice. [Hold for applause]. You had a nice run, gentlemen, but unfortunately, we’ve arrived at a classic straw breaking the camel’s back scenario, and the camel is pissed. I know you don’t need an explanation, but if you do…

Lili Reinhart was recently asked by her Forbidden Fruits castmates during an interview with Cosmopolitan to recall an acting note she took personally—and the answer she gave is one that surprises me, doesn’t surprise me, makes me want to gouge my eyes out, light a cigarette, and walk into the ocean, all in the span of a second.

“I had a male director come up to me and silently lean over and go, ‘Just suck in your stomach a little bit,’” she said.

Can everyone excuse me while I hate all of mankind for one sec? Because hearing something like this is just one of those things that will set you off after also having to consistently hear about all the stupid dudes in charge all week.

Anyone with half a brain cell knows you shouldn’t tell a woman to suck in. This isn’t the Mean Girls cafeteria, and I would at least have hoped we’d gained a little decorum by now. If there’s one thing I hate just as much as men in government, it’s men in film. Even the phrase “men in film” just sends a shiver down my spine. But even if you’ve never worked anywhere adjacent to the film industry, you probably still know a guy like this, unfortunately.

“Weirdly, I don’t think his intentions were bad,” Reinhart added. “I just think he didn’t want me to look at the footage later and be like, ‘Oh, why didn’t someone maybe should have told me it was an unflattering angle?’”

“But why would they shoot it at an unflattering angle?” Lola Tung asked. True! Probably because male directors are sometimes…maybe…perhaps…a little bit dumb. And listen, it’s 100% OK to be stupid. Knock yourself out (literally)! Just don’t be a director of a studio film. That’s all I ask.

But it was Victoria Pedretti who asked the most important question: “What is his name and what is his address?” Let’s find him.

Sorry to shit so hard on male directors. I’ll be done with my rant now. I know there are good ones, and then there are so, so, so, so, so many bad ones.

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