Michael Fassbender Is a Detective Named Harry Hole In The Snowman

This is the trailer for The Snowman, a new thriller about a serial killer who cuts off the heads of “women he disapproves of,” which leads to a manhunt led by two detectives, Harry Hole and Katrine Bratt. It’s based on a book from Norway’s popular Harry Hole series, which are apparently Scandinavia’s answer to the Harry Bosch novels, only with more snow and a funnier name. In the film, Hole (pronounced “hoo-leh”) is played by Michael Fassbender (pronounced “yass zaddy”), while Bratt (pronounced “brat”) is played by Rebecca Ferguson (pronounced, “her?”).

I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears while watching, and I’m sure you’ll be similarly dumbfounded by how dull and silly this whole thing looks. From the tired “there’s a killer who hates women and also it’s cold outside” angle to snowman-related imagery that, despite the trailer’s best attempts, is never not funny, The Snowman appears to be another lazy entry into a genre that’s in desperate need of new tricks.

After watching the trailer, several other members of Jezebel’s staff also expressed disbelief. “I cannot believe they didn’t change his name,” Kelly Stout said of the film’s decision to call Fassbender “Harry Hole.”

“One thing I’ve learned from thrillers is never live in a really cold place,” added Stassa Edwards.

“I’m relieved that we finally get a movie about a serial killer violently dismembering women,” said Madeleine Davies.

“I for one am SPOOKED,” said Hazel Cills in reference to this screengrab:

The Snowman rolls into theaters October 20.