Pete Hegseth Probably Just Upset He Can’t Pull Off a Beard

It’s been about nine months since Pete Hegseth in September told military members at a Virginia speech to stop wearing “beards, long hair, [and] superficial individual expression.” Clearly, however, his message delivery skills are about as good now as it was during his time at Fox News. 

According to a CNN report published Friday, Secretary of War Defense Hegseth was conducting a routine visit with servicemembers on a Navy ship when he noticed multiple sailors—gasp!—still sporting beards. Per one official that also spoke to CBS News, Hegseth was upset at the sight of their facial hair, and was frustrated that he doesn’t think the military is taking his anti-beard mandate seriously. Alas, he may just be two beards away from throwing a full-blown tantrum.

But really, all this begs the question: maybe Hegseth’s just upset he can’t pull the bearded look off himself? 

In his speech in September, which was delivered at the Marine Corps Base in Quantico, Hegseth declared an end to “beardos,” saying proudly, “we don’t have a military full of Nordic pagans.” But about seven years before that, in 2018, he’d appeared at his anchor position at Fox News with a beard—and got rinsed for it across social media. (To give you the gist: one commenter said the hair made him look like he should be “duck hunting with Phil Robertson.”) 

Then again, Hegseth was probably about at shit-at-his-job as a weekend anchor—never doing well enough to make it to primetime TV—as he is a Defense Secretary. And, all things considered, there are probably other things he should be focusing on—like, say, maybe the ongoing and deeply unpopular war in Iran.

Alas, Hegseth’s anti-beard vendetta may be as distracting to him as his general animus—and yet another move to build an anti-women, anti-Black army.

Pre-Hegseth, the military has, for years, become increasingly complaisant with beards—particularly because there are various medical and religious exemptions to account for. But by reducing shaving waivers, which allow for such exemptions, Hegseth’s policies leave out consideration for conditions like “PFB” (pseudofolliculitis barbae), wherein curly hair grows back into the skin. PFB disproportionately affects Black men, and is estimated to impact as much as 45-83% of Black men in the U.S. 

“[The policy] allows for an environment of hostility to our Black troops in uniform in part because it opens them up to greater harassment from their senior enlisted,” Richard Brookshire, co-founder of the nonprofit Black Veterans Project, told CNN in a statement. “It opens them up for…disciplinary action for a treatable condition that the military had been adequately treating for well over a decade.”

Hegseth, however, calls beards a “national security” risk. Which, well. I wouldn’t say facial hair is what’s leaking classified information from Signal chats—but… OK!