Please Don't Try to Do a Split Right Now
Entertainment

Summer music is music best enjoyed in the company of other sweaty bodies pressed against yours—in a dark bar, a crowded backyard, or the privacy of your own home. This summer, we are not allowed to press our bodies against strangers and so it feels quite rude of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion to release “WAP” into the ether—a perfect hoe anthem for a moment in time where the only hoeing you can really do is at home. After viewing this video roughly four times in a row, I would like to warn everyone around to not attempt a split just yet, even though it is quite tempting to do so.
The version of the song in the music video is edited for propriety’s sake, which is FINE, I suppose, as WAP stands for “wet ass pussy.” The general public will hear the chorus of this song as “wet and gushy,” which works but lacks the aural punch of “wet ass pussy.” The explicit version is straight filth, in the best possible way; I am basking in its nasty glory now before the teens of TikTok find a way to make Megan Thee Stallion rapping “If he ate my ass, he’s a bottom-feeder” into some sort of viral challenge.
One note: there is still no excuse for Kylie Jenner’s appearance, which is disorienting and personally removed me from the experience of taking notes on how to properly direct a man to park his big Mack truck in my little garage. Anyway, let’s see where we’re at.