Please Enjoy These Photos of the US Women's Soccer Team Sipping Tea, Butchering England
Latest

Megan Rapinoe, Queen of Soccer and possibly also America, had to sit out the semi-final match against England on Tuesday, thanks to a hamstring injury. Thankfully, that didn’t stop the rest of the team from trouncing England 2-1, and on team co-captain Alex Morgan’s 30th birthday, nonetheless. On my 30th birthday, I plan to hide in my room for 36 hours until it is safe for me to leave. On Morgan’s, she became the first player in Women’s World Cup history to score a goal on her birthday. We are different.
Now, the U.S. is headed to the FINAL—on Sunday, they’ll face off against the winner of Wednesday’s Netherlands vs. Sweden semi-final match, which is so very exciting! Until then, please enjoy some of Tuesday’s good highlights, and my bad commentary.
Morgan falls.

She’s fine! She scores!