Rand Paul Boycotts Undercard Debate, Because the Media, Polls, Reality Can't Tell Him What to Do

After months of poll numbers collapsing like a once proud but increasingly weary hairdo, Rand Paul was relegated to the “undercard” GOP debate planned for Thursday night, at No One Is Paying Attention O’Clock. He is not going, because this represents the media and the RNC toying with him.

Paul appeared on the Daily Show Wednesday night and CNN Thursday morning to express his unwillingness to participate in a frankly humiliating mini-debate. Instead, he and Trevor Noah drank “Issues Bourbon” (labeled “War in the Middle East” and “Economy”) and played a drinking game wherein Noah took a shot “every time I feel like you’re not answering my question.” (Noah didn’t actually end up taking many shots, except some voluntary ones, and the conversation was pleasantly substantive.)