Robsten Is Dead, Long Live Stonedrew

By Doug Barry  |  May 19, 2013 | 3:00pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag

At long last, after a scandalizing sexcapade, rumors of a protracted separation, more rumors of tenuous intimacy, and even more rumors of more sexcapading, the amorous Hollywood acting entity known as Robsten, Patstew, or even, if you’re feeling linguistically limber, K-Pax, has finally and irrevocably fractured, leaving Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield as the most interesting celebrity couple formed by studio publicity people for the sake of promoting a movie franchise. Maybe. For now.

According to what is probably a very reliable People magazine source, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have broken up after three years of promotional romance for the Twilight movies. Now that the Twilight movies are over, it stands to reason that Pattinson and Stewart have no further romantic obligation to one another, which is probably why Pattinson (allegedly!!) skipped a 27th birthday party that Stewart had planned for him. Imagine: Kristen Stewart sits all alone among a crowd of party guests, watching the candles burn down to waxy nubs on a delicious cookie cake. She sighs, blows out the candles, and shouts defiantly, “Ugh, cookie cake is for children. Who wants to order a pizza and get hammered?” Thus begins a new era of romantic freedom. [People]

  • Oona Chaplin, granddaughter of Charlie Chaplin and regular naked person on Game of Thrones, revealed that an actress who is probably Emilia Clarke of dragon-birthing fame has refused to do any more nude scenes for the lascivious audiences of HBO. [Telegraph]
  • Years after SkyNet was supposed to have destroyed human hegemony, Edward Furlong has been arrested in West Hollywood on suspicion of breaking a restraining order filed by his ex-girlfriend. [AP]
  • In a fit of meteorological irony, heavy rain fell during the Cannes party for Hunger Games: Catching Fire. [AP]
  • Mean Girls alum Jonathan Bennett was photographed wearing a Monopoly-themed, “Go to jail, Lindsay” shirt probably meant to hurt Lindsay Lohan‘s feelings. [E!]
  • Justin Bieber allegedly owes “thousands” in monkey support for the pet monkey he abandoned in Germany. [Guardian]
  • Karan Ashley, the second Yellow ranger on the frenetic children’s adventure series Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, waaa-aaaaa-oooooo [sick electric guitar solo] [multiple explosions], complained about the feeble attempts show producers made to organize a Power Rangers reunion. [TMZ]
  • Carlton Gebbia, of modest Suddenly Susan fame, says she is joining up with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills legion in order to “empower women.” Word. [TMZ]
  • The LAPD is investigating death threats made against Chris Brown. [TMZ]
  • Jennifer Lopez is the most powerful celebrity on Earth. Meanwhile, Lrrr is the most powerful celebrity on Omicron Persei 8. [CBS]

Image via AP, Andrew Cooper

 
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