Trying to find love on the internet can be a harrowing ordeal. There are the creepers, the harassers, the well-meaning psychos and dudes who send you dick pics when a “hello” would have sufficed. And yet, this note, received by a San Francisco woman (and at least 10000 others) is the nail in romance’s coffin. Because it misses the point completely.
The problem with the essay you are about to read (and I hope you’re comfortable because it is a wall of very technical and completely unsexy words) is that the person who wrote the message, probably a very decent person, tried so hard to be transparent that he made his introductory message painfully and tediously dull, forcing anyone interested to dig through a morass of verbiage to decide whether this is someone they’d want to say hello to, let alone go out with. And then he sent it to thousands of people. In an effort to make this as easy for everyone involved as possible (including his friends, who he is pushing at you) this intrepid user made his message appear as if there wasn’t any effort taken to be personable at all.
The entire message reads like a legal document, as if this 29-year-old from California wants you to know that he’s okay, he’s got references (!!!), he’s sent a message before! And by doing that he literally takes out the mystery which is essential to any new relationship — never poop with the doors open — before the first date, making it easy to picture what your life with him might be like.
Look, I’m not trying to say it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, but there are other ways that show you’re a stand-up kind of person than enlisting the help of your friends and writing out an FAQ about yourself. You have to do something to distinguish yourself from others, but what you’re about to read isn’t it. Even if the message has been revised four times for maximum efficiency. (Also: I met my partner on OkCupid and his first message to me was something like “I also like Nintendo. Do you like Pokemon?” and I was okay with this. That’s not a horrible conversation starter!) (We have been together for six years off of that pickup line.)
Of course, I can’t speak for everyone. Some people might take this gentleman up on his instructions to schedule an informal interview, but considering that he freely admits that his endeavors have been largely fruitless, it might be time to change tactics.
My Modest But A Tad Blunt Proposal IV
To meet up with you in person because I consider you to be interesting/attractive based on your profile. For the folks whom have received the first proposal please see the updates/musings at the tail end of this message.
Disclosures:
1. This message has been used and reused on a number of interesting/attractive females
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