Sam Bee With a Good Reminder: 'Your Dick Is Objectively the Worst Thing About You'

“I find its quite easy to not masturbate in front of my employees,” she says in a new PSA. “In fact, it’s one of the easiest things I don’t do!”

She lays out some simple rules for men to follow: “Don’t masturbate in front of people who haven’t specifically asked you to, and even then, stop and ask yourself: What is our power dynamic? Is there a chance in hell that this person might only be agreeing to see my hideous dick out of fear for their career?” If so, don’t fucking whip it out, okay?

If that’s not incentive enough to behave like a human being, remember this: to most women, your penis looks like a bloated, rotting eggplant, infested with maggots. “Your dick,” Bee reminds us, “is objectively the worst thing about you.”