The Bon App Recap: We Need to Talk About Garla

By Garrett Schlichte | April 26, 2020 | 10:00pm

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The Bon App Recap: We Need to Talk About Garla

When Bon Appétit started my week out with a video of Sohla making cinnamon buns I thought, wow, they really get me and care about me deeply and want me to be happy and whole right now at this moment. When they swooped in later in the week and delivered on my digital doorstep a video of Claire making a variety of homemade pasta while talking to her cat, I wondered if they had a direct psychic connection to my very soul and were able to intuit what I need to feel spiritually fulfilled.

And then, when they ended my week with a video of the Test Kitchen team trying to guess what TV shows everyone was watching I thought, you know, sometimes, maybe less content is more content when it comes down to it. Obviously there’s only so much one can do as a cooking channel on YouTube under quarantine, but I’d rather watch Brad stuff more things into jars than hear Andy talk strangely quietly about his coworkers’ bad taste in things. You win some you lose some, I guess.

“From the Test Kitchen”—Sohla makes cinnamon-date sticky buns: 5/5 Would Bon

I need to start this off by saying that I need Sohla’s birth chart literally immediately. Not only is she taking Claire’s place in my heart as the relatable queen of the Test Kitchen (I’m sorry Claire, I still love you!), but she’s also incredibly good at what she does without being obnoxious about it, unlike some of her other teammates. I don’t have to name names, you know who they are.

Not only did this recipe go from almost getting cut to being on the literal cover of this month’s issue of the magazine, but I had a friend who made it in real life and confirmed it’s absolutely worth the effort, so I’m all in. Traditionally, I hate a recipe where anything has to sit overnight because I’m famously impatient, but for Sohla I might just make an exception. I mean, she has her own personal tiny spatula, how could you say no to her?

Aside from teaching us how to make the buns, Sohla also preaches a gospel that we all know to be true: the center sticky buns are the best sticky buns. Obviously the best part of a brownie is one that comes from the edge, but I’m glad to know Sohla is a center bun kind of girl.

“From the Home Kitchen”—Molly makes sour cream and onion biscuits: 5/5 Would Bon

I’m all in for sour cream and onion biscuits. I’m also all in for simultaneous baking projects with extremely supportive dads. As such, I’m pretty much all in for this entire video.

Molly makes sour cream and onion biscuits, while her dad makes them at the exact same time, and then at the end, they sit down via FaceTime and enjoy the fruits of their labor together. My friend and I have contemplated recreating this beautiful moment together, and as soon as I can get my hands on some scallions I think we just might.

“It’s Alive @ Home”—Brad makes pickled onions: 5/5 Would Bon

First, I’m happy to report that as of last week, I currently have a jar of garlic and ginger fermenting in my cabinet that I cannot wait to turn into a paste in the very near future. I always thought “It’s Alive” would be more for entertainment for me than anything else, but, surprise, being stuck inside turns out to be the perfect time to get into putting stuff in jars and waiting to see if anything happens.

As such, I might just get into pickled onions this week after watching this video. They seem to be a pretty reasonable endeavor that will pay dividends when all is said and done. Unfortunately, although they were the subject of the video, I cannot say they were the star. That honor rests with Garla, the phantom face of Carla Lali Music that Hunzi has superimposed over an animated head of garlic which now haunts my sleep.

To say that “It’s Alive” is leaning heavily on the editing whilst social distancing is truly an understatement, however, I’m not mad about it. Every time Brad unknowingly swats a cartoon fly I laugh and so I for that I am grateful. And I’m also begrudgingly grateful for Garla at the end of the day, regardless of also being terrified of her, as she was the only Carla adjacent sighting this week.

“From the Home Kitchen”—Claire makes 3 kinds of homemade pasta: 5/5 Would Bon

Now this is the kind of homemade pasta video I’m talking about! We’ve got Claire. We’ve got pasta. We’ve got Claire spraying her cat with a water bottle she also uses for cooking. What more could we ask for?

Mainly, this video makes me hope that they continue filming these kids of videos even after they are allowed to return to the Test Kitchen because there’s something really nice about watching the recipes actually getting cooked in home kitchens. Several of the chefs have mentioned how it’s made them more intentional about what they’re showing us, and even though cooking at home was a consideration before, it seems like this experience has brought it even closer to the forefront.

Making homemade pasta has always seemed like an incredibly daunting task, and although I’m sure I would struggle with it far more than Claire does in this video, watching this makes it seem more accessible to me than it ever has before. Also, I just really want to eat anything that can be described as little butter pillows. Who knows, maybe it’s time to order a pasta roller machine thing!

“Test Kitchen Talks @ Home”—Every show the Test Kitchen is watching: 2/5 Would Bon

I’m giving this episode two points instead of zero for two reasons. One, because Gabby is a light in my life and a joy to watch as always, and therefore makes this otherwise painful experience less so. And two, because no one believed that Brad would be watching Little Women which I am offended by on Brad’s behalf. Brad has layers to him people, he’s not one dimensional, okay!

Outside of that, I enjoyed learning that Claire is a Buffy stan, although I am not surprised by it, and then pretty much nothing else.

The video did spark one bit of gossipy drama for me that I can’t help but wonder about though, and it’s what the rest of the Test Kitchen thinks of former BA employee Alison Roman. At one point in the video, Andy says something about Amiel being quarantined with “his wife and his friend,” and because I follow Roman on Instagram I happened to she is the friend quarantining with Amiel.

Andy would obviously know who Alison Roman is, and so I’m just curious as to why he wouldn’t have said her name, instead of “his friend,” in the video. More likely than not, there’s nothing behind this. But wouldn’t it be wild if Andy wasn’t allowed to say Alison Roman on camera, or like, if there was some chef drama between the two we didn’t know about? It’s probably neither, but I appreciate the passing comment because it was probably the most entertaining thing about this video.