The State of Our Union Is Bong  

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Stacey Abrams will offer the official Democratic response to the State of the Union, and Senators Kamala Harris and Bernie Sanders will offer their own responses both before and after that speech. [Twitter, Twitter]
• Oprah is going to interview Beto O’Rourke as part of her Super Soul series, and your mom is going to watch it. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Eat the people of means! [New York Post]
• And their heirs! [Twitter]
• The future of Virginia’s governorship remains a mess. [Associated Press]
• Like an incredibly depressing mess. [Politico]
• Would you agree that Kellyanne Conway looks a lot like the Lady Elaine Fairchilde puppet from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood? [NPR]
• Check your watch because it’s subpoena time again. [NBC News]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.