There’s a Rumor That Olympic Ski Jumpers Are Stuffing Their Dicks to Fly Farther

Jezebel endorses the Olympics returning to its horny roots, but let it be clear that we do not support athletes injecting their penises with goop to game the ski-jumping system. That said, there’s nothing like a whiff of an NSFW cheating scandal to spice up Olympic coverage!

German tabloid Bild recently reported that they’d allegedly heard of some male ski jumpers possibly injecting their penises with hyaluronic acid so that their dicks get slightly bigger, meaning they’ll be fitted for a slightly bigger suit, meaning they’ll get a little extra fabric to make their flight more aerodynamic. The rumors have been dubbed “Penisgate.”

During a press conference ahead of the opening ceremonies for the 2026 Milan Cortina Games, Witold ­Banka, the president of the World Anti Doping Agency, said they hadn’t heard of this happening yet, but they’ll keep a lookout. WADA Director General, Olivier Niggli, also said this was his first time learning about this and wasn’t sure if it’d be considered doping. “If it is actually doping related—we don’t do other means of enhancing performance—but our committee (annually reviewing banned substances) will certainly look to whether it falls into this category.”

Before each season, ski jumpers get a full 3D body scan in order to ensure their suits are skin-tight, with no extra fabric that might give them a bit more lift. The Guardian reports:

One study in the scientific journal Frontiers found that every 2cm in suit size circumference reduced drag by 4% and increased lift by 5%. It said that a 2cm change in the suits was equivalent to an extra 5.8 metres in jump length.

Hyaluronic acid, a substance used in skincare, isn’t technically a banned substance, and can reportedly increase penis circumference by one or two centimeters. Bild also reported that some jumpers have been rumored to use clay to make their dicks look bigger.

“Every extra centimetre on a suit counts,” FIS ski jumping men’s race director Sandro Pertile told the BBC. “If your suit has a 5% bigger surface area, you fly further.”

Ahead of the 2025 World Ski Championship, two of Norway’s Olympic medallists got three-month suspensions after it was discovered they secretly adjusted their suits’ crotch seams. Norway’s head coach and two coaching staffers were also given 18-month suspensions for their involvement.

Fucking around with the seams sounds like a much less painful way to cheat, in my opinion. But honestly, kings, an extra two seconds in the air isn’t really what counts.

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