Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Every Wednesday, Margaret and I search for bubbling hot gossip in the celebrity weeklies. Today, we learned how Justin Timberlake fucked — and fucked over — Olivia Munn.
Ok!
“Teen Mom Shockers!”
Amber and Gary broke up on October 19. Someone texted Gary, and Amber thought it was a girl, but it was just a friend. Amber freaked out, and Gary hustled her to the front door, opened it, pushed her on to the porch and shut the door. Amber was left standing outside in her underwear, and police took her home. Since then, the baby, Leah, has been staying with Gary. The magazine spoke with Gary’s best friend Andrew Swan — we’d previously heard from his best friend Jordan Sanchez, but Andrew is new — and Andrew says, “I’ve been hanging out with Gary the whole time and Amber hasn’t called him once.” Gary keeps calling Amber, but when she answers, she says she’s too busy to talk. She hasn’t asked about Leah. In Maci news, she is planning to move from Tennessee to L.A. with her son Bentley after the holidays. A source says she’s 99% confirmed to do a spinoff — and allegedly the show would be Maci teaming up with Bristol Palin in a Teen Mom Meets The Hills series. OMG SRSLY?!?! Ryan, Maci’s babydaddy, says: “She says a lot of things that aren’t true.” In a piece called “Cute Vs. Beautiful” — which is inspired by a recent quote from Joan Collins — we learn that Miley Cyrus is cute, while Taylor Swift is beautiful. On the “The Big Debate” page, a rep from the Parents Television Council and noted Playboy Bunny Holly Madison both weigh in on the Glee GQ photoshoot. Holly says: “I think [the photoshoot] is really cute and sexy” and “GQ is not Tiger Beat” and “the show isn’t aimed at young children either, it tackles mature topics. Also, I like the tube socks.” In “A Tour Of The Stars’ Homes,” you can see pictures of Gywneth Paltrow’s New York loft, Jennifer Lopez’s mansion in L.A. and Alicia Keys’ house on Long Island, all of which are on the market. Lastly: For some reason, this magazine has a story about the 1996 murder of JonBenet Ramsey, so if you’re into that, take a look.
Grade: F (Popsicle with severe freezer burn)
Life & Style
“Betrayed By Her Man.”
The cover story catalogs Teresa Giudice’s husband’s love of strip clubs. Some former strippers dish about him being a lap dance enthusiast, and the strip club he frequented is known for prostitution. (Or should we say PROSTITUTION WHORE?) He used to call his office The Boom Boom Room, and when he remodeled and tried to give away his couch, no one wanted it. Next, in Teen Mom news, Jordan Sanchez, Gary’s other best friend, says Gary wants custody of Leah, and that he’s seen Amber take Klonopin. He heard that Amber is bipolar and would tell Gary, “Come home or I’m going to kill myself,” and Gary would do as she said. In a sidebar, the magazine worries that Amber may be crazy because she’s on weight-loss pills.
Grade: F (melting Icee)
In Touch
“Revenge Romance.”
Apparently Kourtney Kardahian has been chatting with a “sexy male model” named Leandro, whom she met in Miami, but there is little or no news here, no one “broke free.” Recently Kourtney was seen being swept up in Scott “American Psycho” Disick’s arms, but “it only seemed to be for the benefit of the cameras.” When they stopped rolling, Scott ignored Kourtney. Yawn, moving on: Katie Holmes is being anti-social and “acting like a recluse” on the set of the Adam Sandler movie Jack and Jill. When she is not filming, she the takes lunchtime Scientology classes or works out in her trailer and doesn’t hang with any cast or crew members. The mag spins this as that she’s being controlled by Tom from 6,000 miles away — he’s in Prague shooting Mission Impossible 4. “What’s Their Best Weight” (see image 7) is one of the most offensive spreads we’ve ever seen: Basically, the magazine editors — none of whom are medical professionals, as far as we know, inform us of the “perfect weight” for Jennifer Hudson, Kelly Osbourne and Jessica Simpson. Rage! Angelina Jolie is “struggling to keep it together” while directing her film in Budapest; she’s sleeping only five hours a night, working 12 hour days, six days a week, and “gotten so skinny the local press has dubbed her The Crow.” Just another let’s shame a working woman story! At a recent event, Carrie Underwood “looked like a stick figure with a baby bump,” according to witness, so she is pregnant. Amber from Teen Mom has been “traumatized” by her childhood, and her friends say that her mom used to hit her, and once, Amber had red marks on her neck and explained that her mom had choked her. Finally: David Arquette has “embarrassed Courteney again” by getting wasted at a party in L.A. and “dancing provocatively with several petite strippers.” By petite, they mean Little People (see image 8).
Grade: F (fountain soda with lots of crushed ice)