This Week in Tabloids: Nothing's Going on So Let's Speculate About a Friends Reunion!
CelebritiesWelcome to Midweek Madness where this week, Bobby is on vacation GOD KNOWS WHERE (JK, he’s sleeping outside Rita Ora’s house), and I forgot to get access to his scanner and was forced to beg my office mates to help me scan a photo of Elle Fanning standing shoeless on an escalator.
Life & Style
Have you heard of an obscure NBC sitcom called Friends? I sure haven’t, but Life & Style is STOKED about a scripted cast reunion that’s supposedly (not really) going down. Not only that, but they’re dragging out all the old dirt about the cast. Are you riveted? Good! I’ll keep going! There were CAT FIGHTS! (Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston were closer with each other than they were with Lisa Kudrow and they all handed this like adults. What a blowout!) Also Matt LeBlanc was crazy about Jennifer during the first season, but she thought he was a meathead womanizer and was more interested in…David Schwimmer! Why? Because “she thought David was smart and great-looking.” Jennifer Aniston caught between a dumb playboy and a handsome nerd? Call Jennifer something like, I don’t know, “Rachel” and call David and Matt—pulling these names off the top of my dome here—“Ross” and “Joey” and it could almost be a plot in the 10th season of a widely adored television show!
Kylie Jenner is pregnant with a little tiger cub! Ready to read the grossest sentence of the day? Her boyfriend Tyga only “uses condoms occasionally.” WRAP IT UP, MY MAN. And now for the saddest sentence: Kylie doesn’t use birth control because she thinks it will make her fat. But that’s not even the real news! (Because it’s all fake news.) Kylie and Tyga also broke up because he’s texting with Blac Chyna, mother of his child AND mother of Kylie Jenner’s brother’s child. All normal!
Here’s one for all you Fixer Upper yuppers out there: Chip and Joanna keep bragging about their rescue dogs, but one of them—turns out—has bitten two people, one a child and the other a delivery woman. The real fixer upper? That dang dog! Take it to puppy school, ya home improvement nut jobs!
In Touch
As the divorce and custody battle between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt heats up, Brad is getting ready to bring out the big guns, i.e. a series of widely available public interviews Jolie did about her mental health in 2001. “Brad is formally in the process of getting Angelina’s psych records from when she was hospitalized at UCLA [where she was placed on a psychiatric hold 15 years ago],” says an insider. Brad’s goal, according to the mag, “is to get his kids back with as little collateral damage to the family as possible.” Calling the mother of his children crazy is certainly one way to do that.