Trump and McConnell Are Locked in a Low-Key Dudefight

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell, two aging horseflies gorged with the blood of the innocent, are not getting along so well. Odd—they’re both so lovable. According to a Times report, “Mr. McConnell has privately expressed uncertainty that Mr. Trump will be able to salvage his administration after a series of summer crises.” [New York Times]
• Let’s play Guess Who Said the Stupid Thing! “I’m someone who believes in more monuments, not less monuments.” [Talking Points Memo]
• The White House says Trump won’t pardon Joe Arpaio at tonight’s rally in Arizona. This does not mean he won’t, of course. [CBS News]
• The Trump administration is reportedly plotting to protect Dreamers in exchange for a whole bunch of awful immigration wish list items. [McClatchy]
• Breitbart got pranked. [CNN]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.