Who Isn't Pregnant, at This Point?

CelebritiesDirt Bag
Who Isn't Pregnant, at This Point?

How many times have I crawled out of bed to issue a new pregnancy announcement in the last few months? I’m losing count. Anyway, congratulations Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix. Wait… what?!

I feel like I should have seen this coming, but the news surprises me regardless. Page Six reports that the couple got knocked up with a future football fortune heir while “keeping a low profile during the pandemic.” Reps for the couple refused to comment, but sources claim they got the news while isolating in Los Angeles. Mara, the outlet reports, was even seen “wearing baggy clothes to cover her bump.” She’s probably just chilling in some quarantine sweatpants like the rest of us, but let’s bet on pregnancy, for the fun of it at least. Check the pics out below:


I know I’ve already said this particular pregnancy news is “surprising,” but that’s more on me than these bedfellows. Anyone willing to sit through Phoenix’s near-drunken rambling at this year’s awards season must love him immensely. Besides, have you seen the goo-goo-ga-ga eyes these two make at each other? [Page Six]

It’s spooky times in Megan Fox’s marriage! The greatest living actress— Jennifer’s Body forever!—is now facing speculation that she’s canoodling with Machine Gun Kelly, rumors only exacerbated by cryptic comments from her husband about butterflies. Yes, butterflies!

On Instagram Sunday, Brian Austin Green posted a picture of some monarchs, with the caption: “Eventually butterflies get bored sitting on a flower for too long. They start feeling smothered. It’s a great big world and they want to experience it.”

People reports the post came after Megan Fox was seen kicking it with Machine Gun Kelly in his sportswear on Friday, May 15. Sure, they were just cast in Midnight in the Switchgrass together. But reps for both didn’t respond to People’s (or my own) requests for comment. Clearly something’s afoot!

Speculation in matters such as these is generally fraught. Still, it’s a bit weird to (allegedly) call your own wife a flower, and you a butterfly. It’s not the 1950s; haven’t we moved on from base sexist analogies about men sucking their partner’s vitality up through a straw? Alternatively, Green is the flower. Which might make more sense! Anyway, the photos of Kelly and Fox are too expensive for me to properly flaunt Friday’s hot and horny car ride. Instead, I’ve drawn my best approximation of them below. You be the judge: is anything going on between these two? [People]


What’s going on between Sophia Hutchins and Caitlyn Jenner?

  • Of course, Megan Markle and Prince Harry are “bffs” with Adele. [Page Six]
  • Joe Giudice is a celebrity boxer now. [TMZ]
  • A new twist appears in the life of Meghan King (formerly Edmonds.) [Us Weekly]
  • Goodbye, Hannah Brown. [ET]
  • Grimes’s mom wants Elon Musk to shut the fuck up. [Daily Mail]
  • Who did Kim Zolziak and Brielle Biermann’s fillers? [ET]
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