Well, well, they’re both writers now, and everyone’s mind is valuable no matter what’s in it, or whatever the all-flattening faux-populist ontological miasma is whispering in our ears these days. Anyway, a tiny troll who lives under the conference table at the Wall Street Journal offices has given famous sibling Kendall Jenner a “column” among five other “luminaries,” for a collection of thoughts themed Youth.
Can you tell which of these quotes were typed on an iPhone by Kendall Jenner’s ghostwriter and which appear in the acclaimed works of similarly (whether or not she copied Kendall it’s hard to say; my investigation is pending) relatable-yet-aspirational scribe Nora Ephron? Let’s see.
1. “In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.”
2. “I feel like I grew up too fast a long time ago.”
3. “Now I know that there’s no such thing as the truth. That people are constantly misquoted.”
4. “It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess.”
5. “Having older siblings, you grow up around adults, so you mature more quickly.”
6. “I look as young as a person can look given how old I am.”
7. “Do you work as hard as you can, or do you slow down to smell the roses? And where do carbohydrates fit into all this?”
8. “In the right situations, I try to be as immature as I can sometimes—react to things as if I were 12. You can’t take things too seriously.”
9. “The amount of maintenance involving hair is genuinely overwhelming.”
10. “So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer.”
11. “I saw my sisters and parents working every day, so I was pretty much brought up to be a workaholic.”
12. “You always think that a bolt of lightning is going to strike and your parents will magically change into the people you wish they were, or back into the people they used to be.”
13. “I just laugh thinking about my dad being a teenager, partying. It’s the funniest thing.”
14. “My sister [] always says… You have your whole life to be an adult but only so long to be a kid.”
15. “You only have a certain amount of energy, and when you spread it around, everything gets confused.”
16. “So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer.”
17. “It makes me think—what am I going to be like when I’m 65?”
Answer Key: Kendall Jenner (2, 5, 8, 11, 13, 14, 17); Nora Ephron (1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 16)
Images via AP.
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