Would You Rather Have Sex With An Elephant, A Horse Or An Eagle?

We often use critters to describe sex. He’s a tiger in the sack. She’s a hellcat in bed. They were fucking like bunnies. And the penis is often called a trousersnake, or a one-eyed worm. But is there anything sexy about eagles?

A Japanese condom company uses animals on its packaging. The XL size has a photograph of an elephant. Makes sense. The large size features horse. Okay. And the smaller size — sorry, “Smart” size — is emblazoned with a picture of an eagle. A noble, proud-looking creature giving major “what the fuck are you looking at” eye.

Is there a penis in your life? A boyfriend, a husband, a fuckbuddy? What animal best represents his dick? I think I’ve slept with an angry turtle or two, but no eagles.

F*cked up Japanese Condom Packaging, round 2 [Copyranter]
Japanese Condoms [BuzzFeed]