27 Fully Made Up Things You Don't Know About Lea Michele

This column was written by Bobby Finger and Madeleine Davies. It is entirely made up, but also probably 100% true.

1. All my teeth are just painted cedar!
2. My first word was “Broadway.”
3. Just kidding! It was “murder.”
4. I have three pet crocodiles!
5. I used to have four!
6. I’m a vegan who loves yoga, so you might say I’m a real hippy!
7. I’m in a fight club with Ryan Murphy.
8. I’m not allowed in Emma Roberts’s fight club.
9. My favorite Crayola color is Peach.
10. My favorite Nintendo character is Peach.
11. I hate peaches!
12. I don’t know what the word “meme” means.
13. I met my best friend Jonathan Groff when we auditioned for Spring Awakening. We both got the part and the musical eventually won a Tony!
14. Have you heard there’s a deaf production of Spring Awakening? What is this shit?
15. I murdered Jonathan Groff 🙁
16. Turns out, Jonathan Groff never stays dead for long!
17. My favorite movie is Sister Act 2: Back In the Habit!
18. I’ve actually never sang a solo before.
19. Emma Roberts once poured a gallon of milk on me while I slept!
20. My hero is Stephen Sondheim! No, not the composer—I mean Stephen Sondheim, DDS, the New Jersey dentist that fulfilled my dream of cedar teeth.
21. Snow scares me.
22. Not because it’s cold or dangerous, but because its endless blankness reminds me how good it feels to feel nothing!
23. My nemesis is Stephen Sondheim! No, not the New Jersey dentist that fulfilled my dream of cedar teeth, the composer who killed my fourth crocodile!
24. I HATE bananas!
25. Emma Roberts once filled my car with bananas and I couldn’t drive for weeks!
26. I stole $30 out of Amber Riley’s trailer on the set of Glee and blamed it on a veteran camera man.
27. FUCK DARREN CRISS.

Image via Getty.