Chris Colfer Publishes Novel, Makes You Realize What You Could Have Done At 22 If You Hadn't Been Hungover

CelebritiesDirt Bag

We’ve lost count of how many “threats” Glee star Chris Colfer is at this point: dancing, singing, acting, onscreen ascot-wearing, a 2011 Time Magazine Influential Person, and now novel-writing. Sextuple threat? The Golden Globe winner and two-time Emmy nominee’s debut novel, a fantasy called The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell is out today. Colfer, 22 years old (askjslkad), says that he’s had the characters and idea for the story in his head since he was a child but ran into a few age-appropriate roadblocks:

I really wanted to be a published author when I was 10, but I had a hard time writing a novel when I was 10.

He adds that he’s been on pins and needles throughout the entire process:

It’s nerve-racking. I feel like little bits of my soul are being shipped domestically.

Aww, Chris Colfer, you are so new to the writing game! If you feel like you’re subletting yourself for -$500 the value price without even requiring a security deposit, that means you’re doing it right. [MTV News]

Mary J. Blige will join the third season of The Voice as an advisor to Adam Levine, a spot held previously by Alanis Morrissette and Robin Thicke. It was announced last week that Michael Bublé would serve as advisor to the country-fried-iest judge Blake Shelton, but no word yet who will be working with Christina Aguilera or Cee-Lo Green and his tiny hands. [Rolling Stone]

In the wake of the Tomkat debacle, Jason Lee’s ex-wife Carmen Llywelyn, who converted when she married the My Name Is Earl star, has spoken out and told the press that Scientology ruined her marriage by using their super-creepy auditing process to learn about Lee and Llywelyn’s sex life, which she felt uncomfortable speaking about. She told Access Hollywood: “Scientology broke my heart … worse almost than Jason did.” She and Katie Holmes should start pitching around a sitcom called Help, I Married a Stage 5236236 Operating Thetan! [New Magazine]

I know you woke up and faced the day with the burning question: How does Jennifer Lopez ingest her food? Does a larger Jennifer Lopez regurgitate it into her mouth until she is ready to leave the nest? Wellp—

“Jen drinks ice-cold water to speed up her metabolism, bans carbs after 4pm and sticks to four small meals a day, which are packed with protein. Jen is up at 6am every morning for an hour’s exercise. She hates doing the same workout twice and likes to switch it up with core-strengthening routines, yoga or runs or the beach. She takes a skipping rope with her when she travels and, when she gets a spare moment, will drop to the floor to do around four minutes of sit-ups. Jen likes to work out with Casper as they really egg each other on.” [Sky News]

Demi Lovato, a recovering cutter, says that she used to harm herself because her anxiety got the better of her; she’s been combating that and an eating disorder with meditation. She also hasn’t used her cell phone in three months, which helps her connect to people. She may want to sit down Miley Cyrus and have a talk with her, because the “Party in the U.S.A.” singer has just been spotted skateboarding in Toluca Lake with some scary self-inflicted-looking scars on her wrist. [People, Yeeeah!]

  • Kris Humphries’ ex Myla Sinanaj accuses Kim Kardashian of spying on her. [Examiner]
  • Oh and also PETA is mad because Kim flayed a drifter alligator for fashion and sport. [Hollywood News]
  • Katie Holmes is getting rid of Suri’s designer clothes and buying her the same Osh Kosh B’gosh swag worn by Muggle children across the nation. [NDTV]
  • Kirsten Dunst is a normal bridesmaid, yawns in wedding pictures. [NYDN
  • Elton John can smell cocaine at parties. So now that he’s on a hiatus from performing, he has a promising career as a drug-sniffing dog. [USA Today]
  • “I’m not going to starve just to be thin,” says Kate Upton. Fuuuu. [HuffPo]
  • In the past week Miley Cyrus, on the Straight Talk Express to Alec Baldwinville, has called paparazzi disgusting, shady, scary pigs. (Best children’s book title ever?) [SFGate]
  • Alec Baldwin wants his kids to take after Hilaria Thomas and be, WAIT FOR IT: HILARIOUS. [Monsters and Critics
  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills widow Taylor Armstrong is dating again a year after the suicide of husband Russell Armstrong. [Gather Celebs]
  • Bob Dylan’s upcoming 35th studio album will be called Shingles Tempest. [People]
  • Katy Perry’s boyfriend Robert Ackroyd is moving to Los Angeles to be with her. [Mirror]
  • Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams will be collaborating on an album. [E! Online]
  • Bachelorette Emily Maynard says former suitor Kalon, apologizing for ripping on her daughter Ricki, is giving her “a load of bullshit.” [HuffPo]
  • “I actually live a very mediocre lifestyle,” says probable liar Mila Kunis. [Us Weekly]
  • Here is a picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar and her daughter Charlotte petting an adorably goofy-looking beluga whale. Faaaacebook profffffff photoooO! [US Weekly]
  • Motherhood is exhausting Marion Cotillard, who clearly needs more beluga whales in her life. [Us Weekly]
  • Robert Pattinson had to wear a wig for the Breaking Dawn Part 2 reshoots. [People]
  • David Beckham made good by visiting a 16-year-old birthday boy named Will Kitching, who is recovering from a severe eating disorder that began when his soccer coach suggested he should lose some weight. [Daily Star]
  • Jane Fonda’s sex-having prosthetic hip is a fan of Katy Perry. [Washington Post
  • Jamie Foxx supports Frank Ocean. [MTV News]
  • Michelle Obama, Sasha and Malia took a walk on the High Line. [Page Six]
  • Today in Is This News, Though?: Selma Blair sold her mansion to New Girl creator Liz Meriwether. [TMZ
  • Revenge actress Madeleine Stowe wants Virginian lawmakers to get the fuck away from our vaginas. [TakePart]
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