Kristi Noem Fucked Up FEMA’s Response to Texas Floods

As the Beatles once famously sang, “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me…” Unfortunately for Texas, they got Kristi Noem instead.

The Homeland Security Secretary, whose department oversees FEMA, is under fire for inexplicably taking an entire weekend to sign off on extra FEMA-requested resources amid the deadly flooding in Texas, according to CNN. Worse still, the delay stemmed from a new rule ICE Barbie recently implemented herself, allegedly to eliminate government waste.

Specifically, the rule requires that any contract or grant over $100,000 has to get her personal signature before the money is released. FEMA officials told CNN this threshold is ridiculous since $100,000 is “pennies” compared to disaster response costs, which regularly soar into the billions. So when the flash floods in Texas devastated multiple towns over the Fourth of July weekend, FEMA had to wait on Noem before deploying critical search and rescue operations. The agency sent its requests on Friday. Noem didn’t sign off until Monday. CNN reports:

For example, as central Texas towns were submerged in rising waters, FEMA officials realized they couldn’t pre-position Urban Search and Rescue crews from a network of teams stationed regionally across the country

In the past, FEMA would have swiftly staged these teams, which are specifically trained for situations including catastrophic floods, closer to a disaster zone in anticipation of urgent requests, multiple agency sources told CNN

But even as Texas rescue crews raced to save lives, FEMA officials realized they needed Noem’s approval before sending those additional assets. Noem didn’t authorize FEMA’s deployment of Urban Search and Rescue teams until Monday, more than 72 hours after the flooding began, multiple sources told CNN.

Sources further told CNN that Noem’s rule also delayed approval of Texas’s request for FEMA aerial imagery (to aid in search and rescue) and caused longer wait times at a disaster call center, since she needed to approve them bringing in additional staff.

“We were operating under a clear set of guidance: lean forward, be prepared, anticipate what the state needs, and be ready to deliver it,” one FEMA official told CNN. “That is not as clear of an intent for us at the moment.”

The Daily Beast also pointed out that, while Noem took her sweet ass time signing off on emergency resources, she did have time to post on Instagram on Sunday. “Which one do you like for the official Governor’s portrait to hang in the South Dakota State Capitol?” she captioned a slideshow of three laughable oil paintings of herself wearing a cowboy hat and riding a horse like some pick-me American Girl doll who watches Newsmax and has thoughts on women’s suffrage.

Noem hasn’t said what took her until Monday, but she did go on Fox and Friends Thursday to call CNN “absolute trash” for their reporting.

“The fact that CNN is continuing to be political and push out fake information and false information and lies is, not shocking, but it’s a disservice to the country,” she said. “It’s a real disservice to the country because people start to mistrust anything that comes out then over the news.”

Personally, I’d say adding a needless layer of bureaucracy to life-saving rescue efforts is a bigger disservice to the country, but po-tay-to, po-tah-to.