A Very Elaborate Ruse To Make You Crave Diamonds

By Dodai Stewart | July 28, 2011 | 9:55pm

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Tiffany & Co. has started a new campaign, which includes a new website, What Makes Love True, and a short film called Will You Marry Me, “presented” by Edward Burns. It’s an incredibly charming clip, very romantic and very well done. One could almost forget that it’s all part of a carefully orchestrated plot to convince you that getting married is the best thing that can ever happen to a person and that the occasion must be marked with a diamond ring.

Still, as AdWeek points out, the couples are “surprisingly diverse” (black! white! young! old! gay!), which is awesome. And the love stories are actually very sweet (though reminiscent of the interviews Rob Reiner used in When Harry Met Sally.)

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In addition to love stories, the website features Tiffany Tips for men and women alike. For instance, No. 32: “Keep your mystery. It’s really not necessary to keep all the cosmetic bottles out on the sink in full view.” No. 4: “Jealousy hurts. On the surface jealous is simply a lack of trust.” Wait, are you buying jewelry, or are you getting a lecture from Oprah? The best “tip” (and by best I mean worst) is No. 9:

“Ask the father of the bride. Once upon a time. the ritual of asking a father’s permission for the hand of his daughter was an essential tradition fraught with danger. It still is. The modern young man who ignores this wonderful piece of etiquette displays an alarming lack of civility.”

And if the bride’s father is dead? Or out of the picture? And if there are two brides? Or two grooms? What then, darling Tiffany?

Between fairytales, romcoms, reality shows and jewelry ads, we never get a break from the pro-coupling wedding-industrial-complex propaganda. It’s not that I subscribe to the notion that a diamond is forever — a phrase De Beers cooked up in 1947, two years after the U.S. Justice Department filed an antitrust case against the company — but where are the ads encouraging ladies to buy a diamond for themselves because they got a promotion? Or graduated from law school? Or lived until 85? Or some accomplishment besides a wedding? Guess the whole “right hand ring” thing didn’t catch on. Oh, well. Despite the extremely low resale values, reports of price-fixing, stockpiling, monopolization, forced relocation of indigenous peoples, and bloody conflicts, the gems are as popular as ever. And! Happy people are people in love, and spending shitloads of cash diamonds.

Edward Burns Helps Tiffany Tell Stories of NYC Proposals [AdWeek]
What Makes Love True [Official Site]