After That Debate, the American People Deserve the Nuclear Codes

Maybe in November, we can just vote on whether or not to use them on ourselves. In the meantime, I gathered a bunch of funny tweets from Thursday night.

After That Debate, the American People Deserve the Nuclear Codes

Thursday night’s debate between Trump and Biden was kind of like if a train crash happened inside an active volcano that was then destroyed by an asteroid which then imploded because the sun swallowed the Earth. (Or maybe that’s what I wish happened.) Trump lied about everything, even nonsense that no one asked him about, while Biden sounded like a family of frogs built a Kardashian-sized compound in his throat. They both looked bad; they both looked old; they both looked like the final nail in the coffin of the U.S.

So after all that, I personally think Biden should just give the nuclear codes to the American people…it’s the only relief the government can offer us at this point. Then, maybe the election in November won’t be between two old white men who spent more time arguing over their golf game than they did discussing abortion rights, childcare costs, or climate change—it’ll be between whether or not we decide to use the nuclear codes on ourselves. Just a thought!

If you didn’t watch Thursday night, congratulations. You successfully maintained your peace of mind for one final night because it’s probably all you’re going to hear about for the rest of the summer. I don’t really know where we go from here, except that Biden (or someone?!?!) has to beat Trump otherwise Project 2025 is as good as greenlit…but he can barely beat a cold. And what’s the best place to go when you don’t know where to go? Twitter! (I will never call it anything else.) So, in a blog reminiscent of a simpler time before 2016, I gathered some of the best tweets from Thursday evening, since silly little 280-character internet jokes are probably all we have left.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin