Amy Schumer Has 2nd Thoughts About Her Cool Girl Divorce Announcement 

Every woman has a tiny bit of “cool girl” and a little bit of “pick me” in them, so I hesitate to use that label on anyone unless it’s achingly obvious (ahem, Sydney Sweeney). But the trick is to try and keep those traits to yourself…as opposed to putting them on full display in an Instagram post announcing your divorce.

“Blah blah blah Chris and I have made the difficult decision to end our marriage after 7 years,” Amy Schumer wrote on Instagram on Friday night, calling to mind the cool-girl rhetoric of yesteryore. When I read the caption, I immediately thought of Kelly Killoren Bensimon saying on the Real Housewives of New York City that she got ready for her Playboy photoshoot by drinking beer and eating wings; Debby Ryan saying “it scares me to be still, it’s terrifying” while telling a red carpet interviewer that she spent the morning driving around the desert; and every time Kendall Jenner has ever said she’s a tomboy, a weirdo, or a nerd. 

But as of Wednesday, Schumer deleted her nonchalant Instagram, which put to rest weeks of rumors that she and Chris Fischer were getting divorced. She also clarified that they’re not getting divorced because she got skinny and thinks she can bag a basketball player, or because Fischer’s “a hot James beard award winning chef who can still pull some hot tail.” Both were questions that had kept me up at night since Schumer was first seen without her wedding ring in November. 

On Tuesday night, she posted a sketch from Inside Amy Schumer—which premiered on Paramount+ in 2022 for one random season, after Comedy Central ended the show in 2016. The sketch is a play on the Hallmark “big city career girl coming home and falling in love with the hometown guy” Christmas movie trope, starring Ellie Kemper as the big city career girl. I might have found it funny in 2022—but I no longer find Schumer funny after she mocked pro-Palestine activists and called Gazans rapists. Anyway. Her most recent Instagram before that is a slideshow for Judd Apatow‘s birthday on December 6. (Happy belated.) 

All her famous friends celebrated her divorce announcement, so I’m curious what inspired its removal—maybe someone sent her Jezebel’s Monday Dirt Bag, in which Nora Biette-Timmons wrote, “I disagree with Schumer’s famous friends; I think this is one of the most annoying breakup announcements since ‘consciously uncoupling’ but whatever.”

Page Six reported this week that the former couple’s main priority is co-parenting their six-year-old son, Gene. (Honestly, I would love for one celeb divorce to not emphasize that they’re going to be co-parents…like, we know you’re both not trying to abandon your child.) “Amy wants Chris to stick around for Gene … If she contemplates another comedy tour at any point in the future, she wants Chris to be the one looking after Gene and ideally be willing to travel with her,” the source said. “She just never wants to be romantically involved with him again.”

Relatedly, the Sun (whose “reporting” I read with an even bigger spoon of salt than the Daily Mail) wrote that Nikki Glaser and Rachel Feinstein have distanced themselves from Schumer over the last couple of years. She also just sold her Brooklyn Heights townhouse for $1.25 million below asking. Deleting that cringey Instagram probably won’t change any of that, but at least it removes one public embarrassment from the list.

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• Simu Lu got Taylor Swift to send a little video to his fiancée, congratulating her on their engagement. [People]
• Lady Gaga is teasing…something. [Pop Crave]
• Just what we need: a documentary about Melania Trump…[Variety]
• WHY does Jordan Firstman get to meet up with Hudson Williams after making a bitchy comment about Heated Rivarly? I have only said GOOD things about HBO’s hot gay hockey show, hit me up, Hudson. [Just Jared]
• Sydney Sweeney and Scooter Braun got cozy again. Yucl. [Page Six]
• Fans yelled at Rihanna to sit down during Mariah Carey‘s Las Vegas show. [Pop Crave]

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