Angry Woman on Subway Proves Crochetspreading Is Serious Business

Here’s a life lesson: Don’t mess with fiber crafters. They’ve got yarn, they’ve got needles and, if they’ve got both the yarn and the needles out on the subway, they’ve got precious little left to lose. If they’re willing to risk a sharp poke to the eye just so they can do a few more rows on their granny square, they’re not going to sit idly by if they feel you’re coming for them. They’re not going to stand for your motherfucking stigma.

Let this video be an example to you. In it, a woman who is crocheting with some hideous-ass yarn (objective, because I generally love all yarn indiscriminately) is invited to move her medium-sized bag of yarn so another passenger can sit. Seems like a reasonable request, right? Not to someone who needs as much space as this “crochet spreader,” as brought to us by Gothamist. Instead of saying “sure, whatever” and being momentarily embarrassed by her own lack of consideration this woman has the bravery to double down claiming that she’s bought two seats (one for herself and one for her bag of yak-made goods) (because that is how public transit works) and, even more impressively, demanding that the person asking for a seat have some “pride and stop asking to sit down.” Brava! A performance like this doesn’t come often — maybe once a day on the train — so you’re going to want to watch this as soon as possible. It might also make you think twice about taking public transit this week. Or ever. I don’t know. I just take Lyft everywhere now so that I don’t have to deal with situations like this and also because I never leave my house anyway.

I will say this about knitting, crocheting and all other manner of crafts that require you to manipulate yarn that you’ve paid too much for: People who don’t do it think that it’s a fun and relaxing activity that takes the edge off, but you don’t know what hell is until you’ve been interrupted while trying to cast off or startled as you’re trying to thread a needle for that cross stitch you paid $75 for but are never going to finish. I’ve had prolonged fights about this type of thing with people I love, but I don’t know if I’d have one for a stranger.

Thank god for everyone that the crocheter was at her stop or half that bus would have ended up in the emergency room with elbow/needle-related injuries.