Baronet Seeks Young Wife 

By Kelly Faircloth  |  April 17, 2017 | 2:10pm
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A 70-year-old aristocrat is “interviewing hard” for young women willing to maintain his ancient homes and—presumably—churn out an heir or two. Catch is, he’s a baronet, which is practically the bottom rung of the British nobility. Darling, no matter how appealing a 15th century manor house where Chaucer wrote part of The Canterbury Tales sounds, wouldn’t you prefer to hold out for a viscount at the least?

The Daily Mail reports that Sir Benjamin Slade—described by his Wikipedia entry as a “right-wing businessman and self-publicist”—is on the hunt for a vigorous young bride. He told the tab that he had split with his previous paramour, who is “50, so too old to have children.” And now, “I am interviewing hard. I have had a few proposals, but sometimes the women are past their sell-by date and have been over the guns a few times.”

“They have to be fit — I have two castles,” he added. “I am like a feudal prince when it comes to throwing parties.”

Such a charming pitch will surely be difficult to ignore! And your potential bridegroom endeavors to keep in the very best shape:

‘I’ve bought a back stretcher and hang upside down on it for five minutes every morning. It works wonders for the chin and neckline. I also have some “sky boots” with a hook in the top so I can hang upside down.
‘I have some Traynor pinhole glasses, which I wear for 20 minutes a day and they have really improved my eyesight.
‘I am also on the Genghis Khan diet, which is recommended for young lotharios and involves eating sweet potato, sunflower seeds and horny goat weed.
‘It was recommended by my French nephew, who is 70 and hasn’t a single grey hair. And Genghis had 2,000 children.’

Slade has previously appeared in the news for offering £1,000 to anyone willing to kill the beavers he claimed were tearing up the grounds of his Somerset castle— “You get people shouting about how beavers are wonderful,” he told the Daily Mail, “But they’re not, they are a nuisance. They eat the trees and strip them of their bark”—and also for the fact that a former partner ran off with the handyman. He also made the rounds in 2013 looking for someone to bear his heirs.

Perhaps better to marry someone “in trade” who can buy you your very own stately home when its owner’s finances go tits up.

 
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