Britney Spears Quits The X Factor Before They Can Fire Her Ass

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Speaking of pictures ripped out of Teen People that you glued on your 5th grade Trapper Keeper (weren’t we? we totally were), Britney Spurrz has gotten the jump on her boss Simon Cowell. She’s quitting The X-Factor before Cowell and the other assorted Powers that Be can fire her, tired of paying her $15 million to say “amazing” with dead eyes to every contestant as they watch their ratings slowly deflate like an erection in Grandma’s house. She apparently wants to focus on cutting another album. “Britney loves Simon, she likes Demi Lovato but her thing is music,” says a source.

To be honest, ‘Till The World Ends was straight-up loud enough to have held me over for at least another decade because it was officially the first Britney Spears song that made me feel old, so the next one will probably just be one loud, high-pitched beep that only your 15-year-old niece can hear. Whatever grinds your gears, Brit-Brit. [TMZ]

Newly single lil’ organic chicken nuggets Justin Bieber and Harry Styles are going to Vegas together after splitting from Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift respectively. Put away that Algebra II homework, fanfiction writers, you have a crossover to do.

The lads talked about a boys’ trip when they were going out with the girls, but it was never on the cards. Now they’re footloose and fancy-free, they want to make it happen. They might not be old enough to legally drink but that won’t stop them.

Of course they’re friends, because if the Revolutionary War hadn’t happened they’d be THE SAME PERSON. [The Sun]

Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus joke-tweeted a picture of herself and little sister Noah in bed with a cardboard cutout of Harry Styles and immediately had to defend herself from legions of Twitter crazies: “I don’t want Harry.” [Twitter]

After a six-year hiatus from music, this cryptic Tweet from Justin Timberlake has people speculating that he’ll be dropping his first new single today: a source says that he’s been “quietly and methodically preparing to release an album with almost no warning.”

Additionally, a Florida radio station said that the better half of Bielberlake is working with Jay-Z (which he’s wanted to do since FutureSex/LoveSounds) and possibly even Beyonce. Might I suggest the album title SoExcited/AhhhI’mPoopingI’MPOOPING? [NME, MTV News]

Actual quote, according to Lawrence Wright’s book Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief.

“If fucking Arnold can be governor, I could be president.”

“Well, absolutely, Tom.”

You know what, though? We’ve all kind of said that. [Us Weekly]

  • Charlie Sheen’s putting $12,000 towards the funeral of Chris Guerra, the paparazzo killed chasing Justin Bieber’s Ferrari. [TMZ]
  • Jon Gosselin owes the government moooooneyz. [TMZ]
  • John Travolta sang a duet with Keith Urban, just so you guys know. []
  • Azealia Banks’s record sales have increased after her Twitter beefs (one of which involved her use of “f*ggot.”) [Billboard]
  • Nobody puts Amanda Seyfried in a corner. About dresses. [Us Weekly]
  • Lily Allen gave birth to her second child, Marnie Rose. [Marie Claire UK]
  • And Sir Elton John and partner David Furnish had their second kid too, with the same surrogate who had Zachary. [Page Six]
  • Olivia Munn pulled a Kanye West on poor Taylor Swift at the People’s Choice Awards. [Daily Mail]
  • Can I borrow your dress for an event, Emma Watson? (OK, by “event” I mean “wash my dishes.” 😐 ) [Daily Mail]
  • Sean Connery, and not the Darrell Hammond with fake facial hair one, might appear at the Oscars for the special James Bond tribute. Nevertheless, I’ll take Jap-Anus relations for 400. []
  • High-rolling baby Blue Ivy spent her first birthday in the Caribbean and there are pictures. [Rolling Out]
  • Eddie Cibrian may have cheated on both Brandi Glanville and Leann Rimes with the same waitress because love is so magical. [Radar Online]
  • Kate Middleton is celebrating her 31st birthday with MDMA, a penis-shaped cake and a midnight screening of Pink Flamingos.. JUST KIDDING, at home with Prince William and her family. [Us Weekly]
  • Reality star La La Anthony is trying to make it work with her NBA husband Carmelo Anthony.. [NYDN]
  • Naomi Campbell on the much-lambasted 2007 incident that involved throwing her phone at her personal assistant: “I’m never gonna get away from it. It’s part of my history. I was remorseful and regretful. I’ve served. I did that time. And I never want to be in that position again.” Guessing the assistant doesn’t, either. [NYDN]
  • They’re billing this as a “deleted sex scene” from Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part The Deux: How Renesmee Got Her Groove Back but it’s really just some allusions to Doing It and some kissing so I wouldn’t even bother. [Hollywood Life]
  • Katy Perry sans makeup. [NYDN]
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