We would never say definitively that presidential candidate and absolute charmer Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. That’s just a silly internet joke, children, one that’s gaining traction this election cycle and is in no way substantiated by Cruz’s cold dead eyes or his evident lack of human feeling. Stare into those flat, lightless features, behold those awkwardly-held arms, then try to sleep.
As the Daily Dot points out, the evidence that Cruz is behind a string of unsolved killings in northern California throughout the ‘60s and ‘70s is circumstantial, we suppose, although evidence has been accumulating alarmingly under the hashtag #ZodiacTed. Now, there’s definitive proof: a shirt that says “Ted Cruz Was the Zodiac Killer.” Nothing says proof like a shirt.
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