Comment of the Week: ‘Tantamount to Torture’

Alright, you guys. Take a deep breath. Because while many with eyes, ears, and a phone will be experiencing the ringing fatigue of the seemingly never-ending news coverage surrounding Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding… we’ve got yet another thing to add.

Well, actually, more like @Garland does. But we’ll get to that in a second.

Now, it’s been a real tired week (and then some) of hearing about the two’s lavish party at Madison Square Garden in New York, made worse by the inescapable—and horrid—word “nuptials,” as well as the way everyone’s lost their damn minds trying to claw at the scraps left over by a ceremony we still know next to nothing about. For my own sanity, I’m choosing to believe all the hubbub is because we just enjoy cosplaying the beforemath of the French Revolution. 

But lavish details that will probably soon be paywall-accessible aside, one of the most mad-libs things to come of the wedding was the Sandman officiating the two’s… nuptials (shudder). And in our story, “What Reverend Adam Sandler Told Taylor and Travis at the Altar,” @Garland noticed how we mentioned the wedding vows took about a total of 40 minutes. 

I don’t care if it’s Tay-Tay, that’s tantamount to torture. 

Typically, wedding vows take about a few seconds to a few minutes—so for Taylor and Travis to subject guests to a full lecture about as long as her entire “Life of a Showgirl” album is an insanely evil choice dedicated to making your guests regret coming on time. (Maybe she was, indeed, just playing this entire discography? Or just playing the 10-minute version of “All Too Well” four times in a row?) And personally, until this week, I never even knew Travis had enough words in him to fill a 20-minute gap. 

Yeesh. In sickness and verbose, I guess.

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