Doddering Republican Billionaire Announces that Women Are World's Third Most Beautiful Creatures


Foster Friess just can’t stop saying stupid shit. Earlier this year, the big Santorum backer told a horrified Andrea Mitchell that back in his day, women didn’t need birth control pills because “the gals” kept an aspirin between their knees (in other news, Foster Friess has never had sex with a woman while her legs were together, which is both possible and hot, which makes me feel kind of bad for Foster Friess’s wife — but I digress). But if you thought Friess would be a One Hit Wonder on the Can You Believe This Ridiculous Crap? charts, relax — he’s announced that he thinks women are beautiful creatures — but not as beautiful as deer or swans.

The proclamation came as Friess was traipsing around an Aspen, Colorado convention for Republican governors and the super wealthy assholes who like to give money to them, and here’s the entirety of the context in which it occurred, per NBC —

NBC News intersected Friess as he walked with other donors from the lobby of an Aspen hotel to a nearby restaurant.
He wore a white straw-style cowboy hat and paused to ask directions of locals.
A group of women pointed him in the right direction.
“Women are God’s most beautiful creatures,” he said as they walked away. “After the white-tailed deer and the swan.”

So the context is: there is no context. Foster Friess really wanted to let NBC know that not only does he classify women as “creatures,” he’d also really love to fuck a deer.

Guys like Foster Friess don’t realize that they don’t sound like a young Hugh Hefner or Timothy Dalton’s cheesy interpretation of James Bond when they say stuff like that; they sound like dirty old men in long term care facilities trying to grab nurses’ asses.


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