I’m not sure why carrot cake had to get dragged into President Donald Trump and the GOP’s plan to kick millions off their health insurance, but these are dark, strange days, so here we are.
“I was jokingly calling this the MAHA Medi-cake, but of course I couldn’t find a healthy cake so I bought the closest thing, a carrot cake,” Oz said. I’d expect a MAHA Medi-cake to be more like a petri dish of measles—since the virus is so widely available now—but I digress.
When Varney asks if 11 million people will lose their Medicaid coverage due to the GOP’s megabill, Dr. Oz says no, because “the numbers are often offered by economists who look at numbers.” Definitely. “This is really a psychology question,” he adds. If the question we’re asking is, Why is the Trump administration so fucking stupid?, then sure, maybe it’s a psychology question. Otherwise, it feels like we’re dealing with a yes or no question here.
Dr. Oz then reveals the carrot cake is to mark the anniversary. Later in the segment, when a somewhat befuddled Varney points out the cake again, Dr. Oz uses it as a segue to say that “We’re all in it together, Stuart, which means we’ll be there for you, the American people, when you need help with Medicaid and Medicare, but you’ve gotta’ stay healthy as well.” Staying healthy, we quickly learn, means not eating dessert, you dumb, fat, American fucks.
“Be vital, do the most you can do to really live up to the potential, you’re God-given potential, to live a full and healthy life. And you know,” Oz said. “Don’t eat carrot cake, eat real food.” He then points out the cake that, again, he brought!
Stuart laughs, “But that’s what you’ve given me,” and Dr. Oz makes the elementary joke about carrot cake having a vegetable in the name. I think he could have lied to Americans about their healthcare coverage just fine without involving one of the world’s most delicious desserts, but maybe that’s just my measles vaccine talking.
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